Day 6

Reality has set in today. It is time for Jackie and I to think logically and wisely about the way we are going to handle our lives the nest week, next year, and even the future. Jackie saw three doctors total today. The doctors classified her lymphoma as stage 2B. Doctors have talked to her about possible radiation/slash chemo therapy. They educated her on the side effects of chemotherapy. They also told her that she would need lots of rest and probably no work for the next 4-6 months.
All this information can be easily attainable through a textbook. However, the reality doesn’t hit until it is presented personally. Jackie and I have to begin thinking of how to arrange care for her while she’s in therapy. Also, we have to cancel a huge family trip to Asia that we have been planning since marriage. The most pain staking reality is how we are going to deal with the future when it comes to pregnancy. The thought of being infertile and never being able to see the children we are capable of having together hurts both my wife and I deeply. We will never be able to watch our own children grow up and see which child looks like which parent. It is such a hard idea to fathom currently and it scares me to even imagine. Options are always there for adoption or egg storage.
Reality is a horrible fact to face. It never gives you a break, but keeps throwing more and more obstacles in your face.

Day7

Acting strong and being strong is very different. I put on a persona that I’m cool with all that is going on. I want people to think that I have control of my situation and I am very calm. Deep inside I am a wreck. Just thinking about my wife always puts a well of tears in my eyes. I can’t help but sob a little when I start talking about her. Maybe she is just a braver person than I am or at least putting on a good show.
Jackie caught the flu last night and it worries me a lot. She spent the whole night coughing and blowing her nose. She has finally slowly recovered her voice but is still running through Kleenex vigorously. There is a tough battle ahead of her; she does not need anymore additional nuances to her life.
I am still learning how to be the best support to her during these next 6 months. I try to remind myself that the next six months only revolves around her. I am going to throw my own life out of the picture. I want to be able to sacrifice all my time and strength watching after her, providing her, and comforting her. It definitely sounds selfless and maybe even heroic, but it definitely is a lot easier said than done.