Day 53
Chemo is definitely unpredictable. Jackie ended up feeling nauseas towards the end of the night. Luckily, we had Zofran. Zofran is fast acting and dissolves quickly underneath your tongue. After that she was fine and fell back asleep. Today she had a busy day and I haven’t heard of any side effects. Her humor and wittiness is still functioning well.
I did notice that the drugs have affected her sense of taste. Listed earlier, she told me there was a metallic and stale taste in her mouth. I noticed she has been eating more sweets recently. Her reason for her new found sweet tooth is to counteract the awful taste in her mouth. After she cooked dinner tonight, I noticed everything was salty. When I confronted her, she said she hadn’t noticed it. I understand now that the extra salt was due to the fact that she needs stronger foods in order to actually taste. It made me think that I either have to start cooking more or make richer foods.
Lately my appetite and mood have been pretty low and bland. I return home and just eat a small plate of food and enter my world of so called relaxation. However, my stomach is never satisfied or yet accepting of dinner. I have been having a tougher time when taking heavy breaths. The doctor had once told me that these can be stress related. Can stress be hidden or maybe even repressed? I don’t feel stressed and certainly don’t notice any signs of stress. I am the last person right now that should be stressed. If anyone should be stressed it should be Jackie or her mom. My thinking and my symptoms don’t seem to correspond. I shall see how this plays out, maybe more exercising will help. Stress is something controllable, isn’t it?
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Day 52
Today is Chemo #2. Last night Jackie’s good friends came over to visit. It was great to have them over. They had lots of stories and gossip to catch up on. They also were able to take Jackie to chemo and keep her company. Having them around really brought up her spirits.
From what I heard, therapy went real well today. The Benadryl they mix into the drugs really take a toll on her. She knocked out the whole 2.5 hours white being infused. In a sense that is better than watching the IV drip slowly through your veins. Being in that infusion room can really bring your mood down. You’d be surprised how full that room gets. I can over hear nurses telling patients that they are all done… and we’ll see you tomorrow. Isn’t that horrible? I cannot even imagine having chemotherapy everyday. Having drugs pumped through your being twice a week is harsh enough, imagine daily. I feel that I am very weak at heart compared to all these people. It must take immense strength inside to be able to strive for a betterment of life.
After I came home for work, I found Jackie watching tv on the couch. She later dosed off for another 2 hours. She woke up, ate, showered, and is currently watching a movie. Her only complaint is a metallic taste in her mouth. Plus, she says her hair is falling out a little more than usual. I guess the time has come, I just hope it doesn’t become too overwhelming.
Today is Chemo #2. Last night Jackie’s good friends came over to visit. It was great to have them over. They had lots of stories and gossip to catch up on. They also were able to take Jackie to chemo and keep her company. Having them around really brought up her spirits.
From what I heard, therapy went real well today. The Benadryl they mix into the drugs really take a toll on her. She knocked out the whole 2.5 hours white being infused. In a sense that is better than watching the IV drip slowly through your veins. Being in that infusion room can really bring your mood down. You’d be surprised how full that room gets. I can over hear nurses telling patients that they are all done… and we’ll see you tomorrow. Isn’t that horrible? I cannot even imagine having chemotherapy everyday. Having drugs pumped through your being twice a week is harsh enough, imagine daily. I feel that I am very weak at heart compared to all these people. It must take immense strength inside to be able to strive for a betterment of life.
After I came home for work, I found Jackie watching tv on the couch. She later dosed off for another 2 hours. She woke up, ate, showered, and is currently watching a movie. Her only complaint is a metallic taste in her mouth. Plus, she says her hair is falling out a little more than usual. I guess the time has come, I just hope it doesn’t become too overwhelming.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Day 50
Economical recession along with insurance policies makes good health care even tougher to manage. I received a letter from blue shield yesterday talking about how insurance groups have a definite exclusion against duplicate policies. Luckily, we had this entire insurance dilemma sorted out before this time. I feel like I have to be so aggressive in order to make sure my wife can get proper coverage.
Jackie’s life is constantly about lab work and blood tests. Today she went to get more blood drawn. Tomorrow is doctor consultation then chemo. The doctor wants to put her on oral prednisone due to the rashes she had developed from the first therapy. Steroids are so touch on the body. First it makes her immune system weaker, then it makes you gain, and then u can develop secondary complications. Both of us don’t want her to embark down this path. We are trying an herbal remedy which her family friend has tried during his chemo regimen. Jackie takes so many pills a day. We have all the bottles lined up on our countertop. Most of these are for prophylactic treatment. Chemo 2 is still experimental to see how your body responses. I hope her blood cells do not drop like previous. She will continue to be strong and tough. As long as she is smiling then I know she is fighting on.
Economical recession along with insurance policies makes good health care even tougher to manage. I received a letter from blue shield yesterday talking about how insurance groups have a definite exclusion against duplicate policies. Luckily, we had this entire insurance dilemma sorted out before this time. I feel like I have to be so aggressive in order to make sure my wife can get proper coverage.
Jackie’s life is constantly about lab work and blood tests. Today she went to get more blood drawn. Tomorrow is doctor consultation then chemo. The doctor wants to put her on oral prednisone due to the rashes she had developed from the first therapy. Steroids are so touch on the body. First it makes her immune system weaker, then it makes you gain, and then u can develop secondary complications. Both of us don’t want her to embark down this path. We are trying an herbal remedy which her family friend has tried during his chemo regimen. Jackie takes so many pills a day. We have all the bottles lined up on our countertop. Most of these are for prophylactic treatment. Chemo 2 is still experimental to see how your body responses. I hope her blood cells do not drop like previous. She will continue to be strong and tough. As long as she is smiling then I know she is fighting on.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Day 47-49
Christmas came right on time this year. Jackie had gone through three days of Neupogen shots. She noticed strange growing pains from her knees up to her chest. She described the effects as early arthritis. Luckily it did not debilitate her too much. On Friday morning she went to get a full CBC to check her blood panels. The lab was ordered urgently. Before noon time, the nurses called telling her that her white blood cells shot clear into the normal levels.
I could sense the relief and celebration in her voice even before the call ended. My heart and mind dropped its burden and my face lit up in excitement. Christmas was going to be a celebration after all. The celebration began that very afternoon. We drove over to her mom’s house where we had dinner with family and relatives. It was so fun to see everyone laughing compared to a few days ago. She played piano for us and caught up with everyone. We also went down to San Diego to visit friends and have more food. It is true that food brings people closer together. It is also true that people bring more food together.
This coming week is going to be great; at least my fingers are crossed. Her two best friends are coming and I know that is nothing but uplifting. Due to her drastic improvement, chemo#2 is set for Tuesday. That is certainly wonderful to hear. Let’s get this party started. I’m still praying that there will be minimal side effects.
Christmas came right on time this year. Jackie had gone through three days of Neupogen shots. She noticed strange growing pains from her knees up to her chest. She described the effects as early arthritis. Luckily it did not debilitate her too much. On Friday morning she went to get a full CBC to check her blood panels. The lab was ordered urgently. Before noon time, the nurses called telling her that her white blood cells shot clear into the normal levels.
I could sense the relief and celebration in her voice even before the call ended. My heart and mind dropped its burden and my face lit up in excitement. Christmas was going to be a celebration after all. The celebration began that very afternoon. We drove over to her mom’s house where we had dinner with family and relatives. It was so fun to see everyone laughing compared to a few days ago. She played piano for us and caught up with everyone. We also went down to San Diego to visit friends and have more food. It is true that food brings people closer together. It is also true that people bring more food together.
This coming week is going to be great; at least my fingers are crossed. Her two best friends are coming and I know that is nothing but uplifting. Due to her drastic improvement, chemo#2 is set for Tuesday. That is certainly wonderful to hear. Let’s get this party started. I’m still praying that there will be minimal side effects.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Day 46
Neupogen is a white blood cell stimulating hormone. It is basically adrenaline for your bone marrow to stimulate white blood cells. We have been even more careful with Jackie now. Sanitizing, Washing, and cleaning everything in sight. We take her temperature every few hours. A fever is basically your body’s way to tell you that there is an infection. 100.5 is the magic number. When you have a neutropenic fever, you don’t mess around with chances. There no cold bath, Nyquil, or home remedies. You rush straight to the ER for IV antibiotics. Jackie is doing well, her temps have been 97.4.
Today she had a chest x-ray to rule out any bleomycin lung toxicity. These drugs really take a toll on the healthiest of all individuals. Sometimes I’m amazed at how much your body can heal. If Jackie already has low blood counts what happens to the 50 year old lady who already has a weak immune system.
Jackie gets calls and word of encouragement everyday from friends and family. There are people who always want to come over and visit. It’s such a warm feeling to be loved. It is always tougher to tell them that Jackie cannot have visitors or reject them because they have a cough. Most of them understand, but sometimes I end up being the bad guy. I know Jackie trusts me to make the best decision I can for her. If she can have visitors, I would definitely want more and more. Friends and family lift spirits and probably your immune system as well.
Neupogen is a white blood cell stimulating hormone. It is basically adrenaline for your bone marrow to stimulate white blood cells. We have been even more careful with Jackie now. Sanitizing, Washing, and cleaning everything in sight. We take her temperature every few hours. A fever is basically your body’s way to tell you that there is an infection. 100.5 is the magic number. When you have a neutropenic fever, you don’t mess around with chances. There no cold bath, Nyquil, or home remedies. You rush straight to the ER for IV antibiotics. Jackie is doing well, her temps have been 97.4.
Today she had a chest x-ray to rule out any bleomycin lung toxicity. These drugs really take a toll on the healthiest of all individuals. Sometimes I’m amazed at how much your body can heal. If Jackie already has low blood counts what happens to the 50 year old lady who already has a weak immune system.
Jackie gets calls and word of encouragement everyday from friends and family. There are people who always want to come over and visit. It’s such a warm feeling to be loved. It is always tougher to tell them that Jackie cannot have visitors or reject them because they have a cough. Most of them understand, but sometimes I end up being the bad guy. I know Jackie trusts me to make the best decision I can for her. If she can have visitors, I would definitely want more and more. Friends and family lift spirits and probably your immune system as well.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Day 44-45
Just when you think things are finally leveled out; Jackie’s insurance is paying well, we started chemo, and her response so far has been impressive. Life always finds a way to kick you back in the butt. Chemo #2 has been cancelled. Her white blood cells this week are too low for treatment. Last week they were perfectly fine. The doctor said this was very abnormal because usually the week after chemo is when blood cells drop and then they replenish the following week. Now she has to take these shots called Neupogen, which stimulate your bone marrow to produce cells. The problem with Neupogen is that the side effects are bone and musculoskeletal pain. It is similar to a growing paint as a child. I did not think that someone as healthy as Jackie will have this problem so early on. She was so disappointed at this news.
Its interesting how disappointed and anger are connected. Sometimes you are so disappointed you become pissed off. That’s how Jackie and I feel today. I know there is nothing we can do but be careful with germs. Its just so messed up how life kicks your butt and then while you down buries you in dirt. It isn’t going to be too merry of a Christmas this year.
Just when you think things are finally leveled out; Jackie’s insurance is paying well, we started chemo, and her response so far has been impressive. Life always finds a way to kick you back in the butt. Chemo #2 has been cancelled. Her white blood cells this week are too low for treatment. Last week they were perfectly fine. The doctor said this was very abnormal because usually the week after chemo is when blood cells drop and then they replenish the following week. Now she has to take these shots called Neupogen, which stimulate your bone marrow to produce cells. The problem with Neupogen is that the side effects are bone and musculoskeletal pain. It is similar to a growing paint as a child. I did not think that someone as healthy as Jackie will have this problem so early on. She was so disappointed at this news.
Its interesting how disappointed and anger are connected. Sometimes you are so disappointed you become pissed off. That’s how Jackie and I feel today. I know there is nothing we can do but be careful with germs. Its just so messed up how life kicks your butt and then while you down buries you in dirt. It isn’t going to be too merry of a Christmas this year.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Day 41-43
As Christmas roles around the corner and the New Year creeping up, I think about how much has happened this year. Up until two months ago, I thought I had the perfect life. I had already labeled my year as the most memorable. I just graduated from school, started a new job, was getting married, about to buy a house, and take a romantic trip to Asia at the end of the year. This year will still be the most memorable year, but with a whole new twist. This is how life works, unpredictable and convoluted. Hold on to all that you can and be grateful for the present.
I have been looking forward to weekends lately. During these two days of rest I finally can spend alone time with my wife. I love just waking up watching a movie and enjoying a nice dinner together. I also love taking her out to her favorite story, Target, and roaming around each aisle. I know she can memorize the layout of the whole store, but she still travels down each section slowly like a child in a candy shop. It’s all about a smile. Whether it is a smile from a compliment, a smile from a present, or just a smile from a witty comment; each smile is filled with warmth.
Jackie had work this Saturday. I figure she is stuck at home throughout the whole week; it is a good to keep her mind active and make her feel productive. I just let her work as much as she thinks she can.
This coming week is filled with more doctors’ appointments. Monday, she is meeting with her general surgeon to make sure her port is not causing problems. Then it is off for more blood work to make sure her levels are still high. Tuesday she is meeting with the oncologist for a follow-up. Wednesday will be her second chemo treatment. I really hope she responds just as well to this one as her prior. She has not lost any hair yet. I hope it stays like this but according to doctors and nurses, hair starts falling around 21 days. Lets just hope it doesn’t cause too much devastation.
As Christmas roles around the corner and the New Year creeping up, I think about how much has happened this year. Up until two months ago, I thought I had the perfect life. I had already labeled my year as the most memorable. I just graduated from school, started a new job, was getting married, about to buy a house, and take a romantic trip to Asia at the end of the year. This year will still be the most memorable year, but with a whole new twist. This is how life works, unpredictable and convoluted. Hold on to all that you can and be grateful for the present.
I have been looking forward to weekends lately. During these two days of rest I finally can spend alone time with my wife. I love just waking up watching a movie and enjoying a nice dinner together. I also love taking her out to her favorite story, Target, and roaming around each aisle. I know she can memorize the layout of the whole store, but she still travels down each section slowly like a child in a candy shop. It’s all about a smile. Whether it is a smile from a compliment, a smile from a present, or just a smile from a witty comment; each smile is filled with warmth.
Jackie had work this Saturday. I figure she is stuck at home throughout the whole week; it is a good to keep her mind active and make her feel productive. I just let her work as much as she thinks she can.
This coming week is filled with more doctors’ appointments. Monday, she is meeting with her general surgeon to make sure her port is not causing problems. Then it is off for more blood work to make sure her levels are still high. Tuesday she is meeting with the oncologist for a follow-up. Wednesday will be her second chemo treatment. I really hope she responds just as well to this one as her prior. She has not lost any hair yet. I hope it stays like this but according to doctors and nurses, hair starts falling around 21 days. Lets just hope it doesn’t cause too much devastation.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Day 40
Nutrition is a big issue during chemo. People talk about chemotherapy lowering your immune system. Your red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets go down. Your muscles are the first to dystrophy. If your body responds adversely then the doctors consider you neutropenic. People that are neutropenic have to be extremely careful. There are many meats and vegetables that you need to avoid. Basically anything that can harbor bacteria must be rid of.
Jackie luckily is not at that level yet and I hope will never have to deal with it. I think constantly of what I can feed her. Protein is extremely important because it is the first to be used up by your body. We are currently eating multivitamins, ensure plus, and more meat. It is definitely tough because chemotherapy leaves a muddy or metallic taste in your mouth. Foods probably taste bland and tasteless. Sometimes she eats for the sake of eating.
If your blood level drops then more drastic measures must be taken. Growth hormones must be injected. They basically stimulate your bone marrow to produce more RBC and WBC. I heard from others that it feels like your bones are stretching. Lets all pray that this does not happen to Jackie.
Good nutrition is taken for granted. People eat anything they want and that is why the world has more and more disease and obesity. Our body knows what nutrition it needs. I never realized why people count protein, calories, carbs, etc. Now I understand that there is a balance to our bodies. Our body uses variation of minerals for different functions. Eat rite and you will eat smart.
Nutrition is a big issue during chemo. People talk about chemotherapy lowering your immune system. Your red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets go down. Your muscles are the first to dystrophy. If your body responds adversely then the doctors consider you neutropenic. People that are neutropenic have to be extremely careful. There are many meats and vegetables that you need to avoid. Basically anything that can harbor bacteria must be rid of.
Jackie luckily is not at that level yet and I hope will never have to deal with it. I think constantly of what I can feed her. Protein is extremely important because it is the first to be used up by your body. We are currently eating multivitamins, ensure plus, and more meat. It is definitely tough because chemotherapy leaves a muddy or metallic taste in your mouth. Foods probably taste bland and tasteless. Sometimes she eats for the sake of eating.
If your blood level drops then more drastic measures must be taken. Growth hormones must be injected. They basically stimulate your bone marrow to produce more RBC and WBC. I heard from others that it feels like your bones are stretching. Lets all pray that this does not happen to Jackie.
Good nutrition is taken for granted. People eat anything they want and that is why the world has more and more disease and obesity. Our body knows what nutrition it needs. I never realized why people count protein, calories, carbs, etc. Now I understand that there is a balance to our bodies. Our body uses variation of minerals for different functions. Eat rite and you will eat smart.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Day 39
One of the most popular questions I’ve been asked lately has to do with medical marijuana. Medically it can be given to cancer patients legally, but is it ethical. After doing a little research and consulting some lymphoma patients who have tried it, they told me that medical marijuana sounds more appealing than it really is. The tough part is marijuana can add to the nasty taste already left behind my medication. Secondly, anytime of smoking is frowned upon due to the possible chance that Bleomycin may affect your lungs in the long run. You don’t want to add to anymore ways that can damage lung function. I guess medical marijuana is no longer an option.
Jackie went to another support group today. However, she is getting depressed talking to these group members. Some of them are terminal patients and others are just depressed. She is the only one in there with a cheery attitude and a hopeful future. We talked about not going to the support meetings anymore. Cancer is definitely a personal struggle. Everyone is at a different stage of self-therapy. I am glad Jackie has chosen her hopeful attitude with no self-pity or loathing. As stated previously, her attitude makes me feel like I can do anything. Of course, Hodgkin’s lymphoma is one of the best cancers a person can get!
One of the most popular questions I’ve been asked lately has to do with medical marijuana. Medically it can be given to cancer patients legally, but is it ethical. After doing a little research and consulting some lymphoma patients who have tried it, they told me that medical marijuana sounds more appealing than it really is. The tough part is marijuana can add to the nasty taste already left behind my medication. Secondly, anytime of smoking is frowned upon due to the possible chance that Bleomycin may affect your lungs in the long run. You don’t want to add to anymore ways that can damage lung function. I guess medical marijuana is no longer an option.
Jackie went to another support group today. However, she is getting depressed talking to these group members. Some of them are terminal patients and others are just depressed. She is the only one in there with a cheery attitude and a hopeful future. We talked about not going to the support meetings anymore. Cancer is definitely a personal struggle. Everyone is at a different stage of self-therapy. I am glad Jackie has chosen her hopeful attitude with no self-pity or loathing. As stated previously, her attitude makes me feel like I can do anything. Of course, Hodgkin’s lymphoma is one of the best cancers a person can get!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Day 38
Today was Jackie’s first blood work since chemo last week. She has been doing very well and also ready to work today. She has been having a lot of rashes most likely due to the side effects of treatment. The doctor seemed very confused when looking at these rashes. It’s very difficult since side effects are so individualized. Usually we are use to taking a certain meds and reviewing the side effects of the bottle. We always notice that side effects may include drowsiness, nausea, diarrhea, and so forth. Chemotherapy has to side note on the drugs. It is so up in the air. Jackie, thank God, has not suffered much except one bout of nausea and these rashes. I hope these rashes go away.
My life recently has not been my life. I wake up early to work and come home at lunch hopefully to see my wife. After work I rush back home to greet her. I try to cook dinner if not made, wash up, and start over the next day. It sounds very boring and awful, but yet I find so much enjoyment. When I rush home and see Jackie smiling and greeting me with a hug, I know its all worth it. Her attitude keeps my drive going. We are constantly reminded that this is only a small bump in our lives; and 4 months later the past will engulf this ordeal. Being a husband is so great when I know I am able to take care of my wife and provide for her.
Today was Jackie’s first blood work since chemo last week. She has been doing very well and also ready to work today. She has been having a lot of rashes most likely due to the side effects of treatment. The doctor seemed very confused when looking at these rashes. It’s very difficult since side effects are so individualized. Usually we are use to taking a certain meds and reviewing the side effects of the bottle. We always notice that side effects may include drowsiness, nausea, diarrhea, and so forth. Chemotherapy has to side note on the drugs. It is so up in the air. Jackie, thank God, has not suffered much except one bout of nausea and these rashes. I hope these rashes go away.
My life recently has not been my life. I wake up early to work and come home at lunch hopefully to see my wife. After work I rush back home to greet her. I try to cook dinner if not made, wash up, and start over the next day. It sounds very boring and awful, but yet I find so much enjoyment. When I rush home and see Jackie smiling and greeting me with a hug, I know its all worth it. Her attitude keeps my drive going. We are constantly reminded that this is only a small bump in our lives; and 4 months later the past will engulf this ordeal. Being a husband is so great when I know I am able to take care of my wife and provide for her.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Day 38
Only in American will we find such wonderful individuals such as the American Cancer Society and other foundations. Jackie spent the morning at a support group hosted by the cancer society. The title of this morning was how to look beautiful during chemo. They taught a group of women how to pamper themselves with makeup and wigs to build self-confidence. They each took home makeup bags filled with name brand makeup such as estee-lauder, clinique, origins, etc. In turn there are still lots of good individuals out here.
I always challenge both Jackie and I to give back once this whole ordeal ends. You can blame and self loath your current situation or control your circumstances and turn it into an experience. Take what you learn in life and share it with others. I am sure that neither Jackie nor I are the only ones that felt lost, confused, abandoned by the government, insurance, life, and hope. That is why we chose to share our experiences with everyone else through blogging, interviews, and chats with all.
Tomorrow is Jackie’s first lab work since her chemo. I am very confident that she is still nice and healthy. Her spirits are high and she is loved. She told me she was almost kicked out of the support group this morning because they didn’t believe she had cancer. Her smile and good outlook will win this battle. It is not only self-healing but also very addictive towards others.
Only in American will we find such wonderful individuals such as the American Cancer Society and other foundations. Jackie spent the morning at a support group hosted by the cancer society. The title of this morning was how to look beautiful during chemo. They taught a group of women how to pamper themselves with makeup and wigs to build self-confidence. They each took home makeup bags filled with name brand makeup such as estee-lauder, clinique, origins, etc. In turn there are still lots of good individuals out here.
I always challenge both Jackie and I to give back once this whole ordeal ends. You can blame and self loath your current situation or control your circumstances and turn it into an experience. Take what you learn in life and share it with others. I am sure that neither Jackie nor I are the only ones that felt lost, confused, abandoned by the government, insurance, life, and hope. That is why we chose to share our experiences with everyone else through blogging, interviews, and chats with all.
Tomorrow is Jackie’s first lab work since her chemo. I am very confident that she is still nice and healthy. Her spirits are high and she is loved. She told me she was almost kicked out of the support group this morning because they didn’t believe she had cancer. Her smile and good outlook will win this battle. It is not only self-healing but also very addictive towards others.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Day 36-37
Things stirred up for a few hours this weekend. Jackie has really been responding well to her first treatment. On Monday morning I found her out in the family room watching tv and looking a little under the weather. She told me she felt a little nausea and just wanted to rest. A few minutes later she ran to the restroom and vomited. I knew the chemo drugs have probably kicked in. She immediately took a anti-nausea pill, Zofran, which basically did the trick. That was the 2 hours of excitement so far from the chemo drugs.
I am very thankful that we did not go to Vegas. The four hour drive through hills would have probably exacerbated the nausea. The rest of the weekend, there were no more symptoms. I think she has flushed most of the toxins from the first treatment out of her body. She is drinking tons of fluid and eating very well. I am extremely pleased with her progress so far.
Each time Jackie seems a little off, I immediately am put on high alert. I feel like the panic alarm turns on and my mind starts racing to remedies. I keep myself calm actually by having her tell me how she feels.
It really takes lots of will and strength to fight this lymphoma. You have to be mentally and physically strong. The side effects of all the chemo drugs entering you body is so unpredictable. Every day is a new day, everyday is a surprise. I just prepare myself by praying each night for her. I know that if anyone can fight through this, it would be my wife. She is tough and confident with a little bit of stubbornness to not allow Hodgkin’s to take her down.
Things stirred up for a few hours this weekend. Jackie has really been responding well to her first treatment. On Monday morning I found her out in the family room watching tv and looking a little under the weather. She told me she felt a little nausea and just wanted to rest. A few minutes later she ran to the restroom and vomited. I knew the chemo drugs have probably kicked in. She immediately took a anti-nausea pill, Zofran, which basically did the trick. That was the 2 hours of excitement so far from the chemo drugs.
I am very thankful that we did not go to Vegas. The four hour drive through hills would have probably exacerbated the nausea. The rest of the weekend, there were no more symptoms. I think she has flushed most of the toxins from the first treatment out of her body. She is drinking tons of fluid and eating very well. I am extremely pleased with her progress so far.
Each time Jackie seems a little off, I immediately am put on high alert. I feel like the panic alarm turns on and my mind starts racing to remedies. I keep myself calm actually by having her tell me how she feels.
It really takes lots of will and strength to fight this lymphoma. You have to be mentally and physically strong. The side effects of all the chemo drugs entering you body is so unpredictable. Every day is a new day, everyday is a surprise. I just prepare myself by praying each night for her. I know that if anyone can fight through this, it would be my wife. She is tough and confident with a little bit of stubbornness to not allow Hodgkin’s to take her down.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Day 35
For sickness or in health. Those are the vows I took 7 months ago. I have been thinking about that vow a lot lately. I have heard so many stories lately about spouses of cancer patients who could not handle the stress. The story ends with an ultimatum from the spouse stating they are leaving. So the last few nights I have been thinking about these stories. I agree that times could be stressful and caring for a patient is basically another job. However the situation isn’t planned and the likelihood of cancer is just as possible in me as anybody else out there. Remember that one in five people in this world will experience cancer. To top it all off, when you marry your spouse, it does not come with exclusions. This is the time I could show my wife how much I love her. This is why I vowed to be her husband. I will take care of her when she is sick and well, because if the roles were reversed, I’m sure she would do the same.
So Jackie and her mother wanted to go to Las Vegas this weekend for a mini vacation. At first I was very adamant about her leaving to go to sin city. However, with Jackie’s good spirits the last two days I wanted her to stay happy and go have fun. I felt very uncomfortable having her travel back and forth. The trip was still on until last night. I started weighing the risk and benefits of the situation. According to the doctors, chemo does not hit until two days after. They ask you to avoid public communities like movie theatres. I talked to my very understanding wife telling her that I feel the risk of going into a Vegas environment was far better than the benefits. It wasn’t worth 2 nights of mediocre fun for a possible infection.
Thank God that Jackie feels good and very healthy. Hopefully she gets a good nights rest and we can start tomorrow. Everyday is a new surprise for all of us.
For sickness or in health. Those are the vows I took 7 months ago. I have been thinking about that vow a lot lately. I have heard so many stories lately about spouses of cancer patients who could not handle the stress. The story ends with an ultimatum from the spouse stating they are leaving. So the last few nights I have been thinking about these stories. I agree that times could be stressful and caring for a patient is basically another job. However the situation isn’t planned and the likelihood of cancer is just as possible in me as anybody else out there. Remember that one in five people in this world will experience cancer. To top it all off, when you marry your spouse, it does not come with exclusions. This is the time I could show my wife how much I love her. This is why I vowed to be her husband. I will take care of her when she is sick and well, because if the roles were reversed, I’m sure she would do the same.
So Jackie and her mother wanted to go to Las Vegas this weekend for a mini vacation. At first I was very adamant about her leaving to go to sin city. However, with Jackie’s good spirits the last two days I wanted her to stay happy and go have fun. I felt very uncomfortable having her travel back and forth. The trip was still on until last night. I started weighing the risk and benefits of the situation. According to the doctors, chemo does not hit until two days after. They ask you to avoid public communities like movie theatres. I talked to my very understanding wife telling her that I feel the risk of going into a Vegas environment was far better than the benefits. It wasn’t worth 2 nights of mediocre fun for a possible infection.
Thank God that Jackie feels good and very healthy. Hopefully she gets a good nights rest and we can start tomorrow. Everyday is a new surprise for all of us.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Day 34
Before I went to bed last night I said a prayer. I was praying that Jackie would not suffer from any nausea the following day. I prayed that Jackie would be able to be as strong as she was yesterday upon awakening. The chemotherapy administered to her was ABVD, Here is a little review of the four drugs supplied by lymphoma.net Adriamycin can cause many side effects, including nausea, alopecia (hair loss), and neutropenia (depletion of white blood cells). It can also cause heart problems, such as arrhythmias, in some patients. Bleomycin can cause a fever, rash, alopecia, and Raynaud’s phenomenon (a discoloration of the fingers and/or toes). However, the most serious side effect is the occurrence of pulmonary fibrosis, which impairs the lungs. Vinblastine can cause neutropenia, ulcers, blisters, and nausea. Dacarbazine causes severe nausea in some patients, as well as neutropenia, headaches, fatigue, and diarrhea.
There are so many different side effects from the toxic treatments. Jackie was predicted not to get any sleep due to the steroids. However, Jackie is so strong and she ended up falling asleep for a straight seven hours. She woke up today full of energy with no bad feelings. I am so happy that she is fighting this out. When I see her moving around smiling and laughing, I know that this is all worth it. I know that each time she drinks a cup of water of eats food; it powers her body with energy and the ability to flush out toxins.
I know I tend to constantly annoy her with reminders to eat protein. She thinks I’m always fighting her and forcing her to do things she doesn’t want. I would never force Jackie to do something she doesn’t want. When she eats just another piece of meat, it makes me so happy. It gives me hope and joy when she fills her body with nutrition. I just hope her body can endure the fight and prevail.
Before I went to bed last night I said a prayer. I was praying that Jackie would not suffer from any nausea the following day. I prayed that Jackie would be able to be as strong as she was yesterday upon awakening. The chemotherapy administered to her was ABVD, Here is a little review of the four drugs supplied by lymphoma.net Adriamycin can cause many side effects, including nausea, alopecia (hair loss), and neutropenia (depletion of white blood cells). It can also cause heart problems, such as arrhythmias, in some patients. Bleomycin can cause a fever, rash, alopecia, and Raynaud’s phenomenon (a discoloration of the fingers and/or toes). However, the most serious side effect is the occurrence of pulmonary fibrosis, which impairs the lungs. Vinblastine can cause neutropenia, ulcers, blisters, and nausea. Dacarbazine causes severe nausea in some patients, as well as neutropenia, headaches, fatigue, and diarrhea.
There are so many different side effects from the toxic treatments. Jackie was predicted not to get any sleep due to the steroids. However, Jackie is so strong and she ended up falling asleep for a straight seven hours. She woke up today full of energy with no bad feelings. I am so happy that she is fighting this out. When I see her moving around smiling and laughing, I know that this is all worth it. I know that each time she drinks a cup of water of eats food; it powers her body with energy and the ability to flush out toxins.
I know I tend to constantly annoy her with reminders to eat protein. She thinks I’m always fighting her and forcing her to do things she doesn’t want. I would never force Jackie to do something she doesn’t want. When she eats just another piece of meat, it makes me so happy. It gives me hope and joy when she fills her body with nutrition. I just hope her body can endure the fight and prevail.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Day 33
First day of chemotherapy. It is about time we got this train rolling. I went to work in the morning but felt like I was in such a hurry to get out of there. When your mind is somewhere else it is even hard to fake working. To top it off I was late getting out of there for lunch. I sped home crossing my fingers not to get pulled over. I felt very over anxious and maybe mildly insane. I didn’t know what to expect. I have read testimony after testimony, books, and talked to people with similar experiences hopefully to just understand what to expect. There is no way to prepare yourself except to let the day happen.
So the ABVD treatment started at 1pm. Three of the drops were drips and the last one was a push. There dripped saline as well to help flush the drugs through. Seeing the drips enter her body made me very sad. I felt that is was unnatural or uncommon to see such a young lady being hooked up to so many IV bags. I also tried to imagine how she felt when the drug was entering her body. They combined Benadryl in the first mixture which knocked her out for an hour. I kept checking if she was still conscious just as a precaution. The whole procedure took about 2.5 hours. We were given info on side effects, wigs, nutrition, caregiving, and a calendar of her treatments. I will be studying this material closely. I feel that I don’t want to overwhelm the patience. However, I do notice the way I care for her can seem like it. Forgive me Jackie if I do that. All my intentions are out of love.
First day of chemotherapy. It is about time we got this train rolling. I went to work in the morning but felt like I was in such a hurry to get out of there. When your mind is somewhere else it is even hard to fake working. To top it off I was late getting out of there for lunch. I sped home crossing my fingers not to get pulled over. I felt very over anxious and maybe mildly insane. I didn’t know what to expect. I have read testimony after testimony, books, and talked to people with similar experiences hopefully to just understand what to expect. There is no way to prepare yourself except to let the day happen.
So the ABVD treatment started at 1pm. Three of the drops were drips and the last one was a push. There dripped saline as well to help flush the drugs through. Seeing the drips enter her body made me very sad. I felt that is was unnatural or uncommon to see such a young lady being hooked up to so many IV bags. I also tried to imagine how she felt when the drug was entering her body. They combined Benadryl in the first mixture which knocked her out for an hour. I kept checking if she was still conscious just as a precaution. The whole procedure took about 2.5 hours. We were given info on side effects, wigs, nutrition, caregiving, and a calendar of her treatments. I will be studying this material closely. I feel that I don’t want to overwhelm the patience. However, I do notice the way I care for her can seem like it. Forgive me Jackie if I do that. All my intentions are out of love.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Day 33
Waiting… Today was the day Jackie was to get her Mediport installed. Her mom showed up bright and early today to bring her to the hospital. Her appointment was at 11 but they requested to have you come an hour in advance. During my lunch break I called Jackie hoping that she was done and I could take her to lunch. Instead she was waiting in the preop room for surgery still. The surgery room was full today and I guess everyone is trying to get surgery before the holidays. Of course I would always try to use whatever free time I have to visit my wife. I rushed over to the hospital to show her some support. After I finished work at four I rushed home to take care of Jackie. Nobody was home. I called and found out they just finished and were eating lunch. Isn’t that incredible? From 11am to 4 pm. They must have been giving out free nose jobs.
The mediport is a neat little device. It fits right under the skin and had a catheter attached to an artery. A small needle is inserted into the top of the mediport to draw blood, inject, and even provide CT contrasts. There is only a small amount of maintenance that requires flushing of saline and heparin every month.
Tomorrow is chemo. We made a hearty dinner packed with protein for Jackie today. I packed a snack pack with candy, fiber bars, ensure, water, and fruit for Jackie to snack on. She is currently napping. I really wonder how her body is so strong. She can just bounce back up from procedure to procedure. I hope the chemo does not affect her body or mood. The mind is stronger than the body right?
Waiting… Today was the day Jackie was to get her Mediport installed. Her mom showed up bright and early today to bring her to the hospital. Her appointment was at 11 but they requested to have you come an hour in advance. During my lunch break I called Jackie hoping that she was done and I could take her to lunch. Instead she was waiting in the preop room for surgery still. The surgery room was full today and I guess everyone is trying to get surgery before the holidays. Of course I would always try to use whatever free time I have to visit my wife. I rushed over to the hospital to show her some support. After I finished work at four I rushed home to take care of Jackie. Nobody was home. I called and found out they just finished and were eating lunch. Isn’t that incredible? From 11am to 4 pm. They must have been giving out free nose jobs.
The mediport is a neat little device. It fits right under the skin and had a catheter attached to an artery. A small needle is inserted into the top of the mediport to draw blood, inject, and even provide CT contrasts. There is only a small amount of maintenance that requires flushing of saline and heparin every month.
Tomorrow is chemo. We made a hearty dinner packed with protein for Jackie today. I packed a snack pack with candy, fiber bars, ensure, water, and fruit for Jackie to snack on. She is currently napping. I really wonder how her body is so strong. She can just bounce back up from procedure to procedure. I hope the chemo does not affect her body or mood. The mind is stronger than the body right?
Monday, December 7, 2009
Day 32
It seems like every other day is an insurance day. Jackie was scheduled for her port tomorrow, but when the hospital called to confirm her info today, they told her Blue Cross was still her primary. They informed her that due to the fact she still had the insurance and she is the primary on the account, the hospital will take that over my Blue Shield. Since her Blue Shield is under my name, that is now her secondary insurance. In order to switch Blue Shield to primary she much cancel her Blue Cross, which takes 3 days to process. Anyways luckily she was able to backdate her Blue Cross cancellation to the beginning of this month.
Tomorrow is porting and chemotherapy the next day. Nobody has any solid advice to how you will act towards treatment. Some come out with no problem at all, others have nausea and constipation. Some say to watch what you eat, others are eating hamburgers. I will bring a little of everything for Jackie to prepare for the worst and the best. Water and fiber is good for constipation, candy is good for the foul taste of certain drugs, oats and honey have a bland taste to fill her stomach, and vitamin supplements will keep her immune and body system strong.
I feel this whole process has helped me prioritize my life. First, I have to be a supportive and loving husband. Second, I have to be a good provider. Third, I have to be the informant for family and friends. And so forth… I realize that when it comes to someone you love, your mind and body will automatically do what is best. I know that I have to work everyday but when time is needed for my wife, I will drop it all. Its pretty easy when your number one priority is someone you love.
It seems like every other day is an insurance day. Jackie was scheduled for her port tomorrow, but when the hospital called to confirm her info today, they told her Blue Cross was still her primary. They informed her that due to the fact she still had the insurance and she is the primary on the account, the hospital will take that over my Blue Shield. Since her Blue Shield is under my name, that is now her secondary insurance. In order to switch Blue Shield to primary she much cancel her Blue Cross, which takes 3 days to process. Anyways luckily she was able to backdate her Blue Cross cancellation to the beginning of this month.
Tomorrow is porting and chemotherapy the next day. Nobody has any solid advice to how you will act towards treatment. Some come out with no problem at all, others have nausea and constipation. Some say to watch what you eat, others are eating hamburgers. I will bring a little of everything for Jackie to prepare for the worst and the best. Water and fiber is good for constipation, candy is good for the foul taste of certain drugs, oats and honey have a bland taste to fill her stomach, and vitamin supplements will keep her immune and body system strong.
I feel this whole process has helped me prioritize my life. First, I have to be a supportive and loving husband. Second, I have to be a good provider. Third, I have to be the informant for family and friends. And so forth… I realize that when it comes to someone you love, your mind and body will automatically do what is best. I know that I have to work everyday but when time is needed for my wife, I will drop it all. Its pretty easy when your number one priority is someone you love.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Day 29-31
The medical system here has regressed back to the age of bartering. We have been receiving nonstop mail everyday for the last month from insurance companies that don’t pay and bills. The latest bill was from radiology saying we owe 8000 dollars for a CT and PET scan. We had 6 months to pay the bill according to the letter. I looked at Jackie and laughed. The next day Jackie called up the billing department and asked about the bill. She told them there is no possible way she could pay that much money off. I wanted to ask her if she knew anyone that could pay that bill off. She finally said she would ask if they can give us some sort of discount. It actually did not take too much effort, but 2 days later we got a call saying that the new bill after the discount was 2000. Jackie then asked if she could pay it off in the next 6 months. The billing department told us that usually after a discount they don’t offer a payment plan. Jackie asked her if she could ask. A day later we get a message on the phone saying that we are a special case and they will offer a payment plan option. All of this was offered with minimal effort on our behalf. My lesson this weekend was that the US health care system is like shopping for a car, you can deal and barter your way down to the price you are comfortable with. Nice system we got here huh?
This weekend we went back to LA to get a haircut and try on wigs. Wig technology has really improved since the days as a child at the mall. There are two different types of wigs, synthetic and human hair. Synthetic hair is made from polyester fibers and have a rougher texture but easier to maintain. Human hair is soft and light but has to be washed weekly. The difference in cost usually is double for human hair. Human hair wigs are amazing though. There is no way anyone can tell you have a wig on. Even good quality synthetic wigs are very realistic. Synthetic hair is very easy to style and can be maintained with some baby shampoo monthly. Jackie ended up going with synthetic hair due to the easy maintenance. After that we bought lots of scarves and a turban to cover her hair. There is definitely many options for hair loss.
Side effects of chemo definitely thin your hair and possible loss of hair. Jackie went to cut her long hair off today. She came back with a very modern and stylist short hair style. I feel that a transition between long hair and short is too dramatic. She decided to have a middle ground and hopefully the hair loss will not be too exorbitant. If hair loss does happen, we are ready!
The medical system here has regressed back to the age of bartering. We have been receiving nonstop mail everyday for the last month from insurance companies that don’t pay and bills. The latest bill was from radiology saying we owe 8000 dollars for a CT and PET scan. We had 6 months to pay the bill according to the letter. I looked at Jackie and laughed. The next day Jackie called up the billing department and asked about the bill. She told them there is no possible way she could pay that much money off. I wanted to ask her if she knew anyone that could pay that bill off. She finally said she would ask if they can give us some sort of discount. It actually did not take too much effort, but 2 days later we got a call saying that the new bill after the discount was 2000. Jackie then asked if she could pay it off in the next 6 months. The billing department told us that usually after a discount they don’t offer a payment plan. Jackie asked her if she could ask. A day later we get a message on the phone saying that we are a special case and they will offer a payment plan option. All of this was offered with minimal effort on our behalf. My lesson this weekend was that the US health care system is like shopping for a car, you can deal and barter your way down to the price you are comfortable with. Nice system we got here huh?
This weekend we went back to LA to get a haircut and try on wigs. Wig technology has really improved since the days as a child at the mall. There are two different types of wigs, synthetic and human hair. Synthetic hair is made from polyester fibers and have a rougher texture but easier to maintain. Human hair is soft and light but has to be washed weekly. The difference in cost usually is double for human hair. Human hair wigs are amazing though. There is no way anyone can tell you have a wig on. Even good quality synthetic wigs are very realistic. Synthetic hair is very easy to style and can be maintained with some baby shampoo monthly. Jackie ended up going with synthetic hair due to the easy maintenance. After that we bought lots of scarves and a turban to cover her hair. There is definitely many options for hair loss.
Side effects of chemo definitely thin your hair and possible loss of hair. Jackie went to cut her long hair off today. She came back with a very modern and stylist short hair style. I feel that a transition between long hair and short is too dramatic. She decided to have a middle ground and hopefully the hair loss will not be too exorbitant. If hair loss does happen, we are ready!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Day 28
There is such a great deal of love and support from everyone we know. Not a day goes by without having someone wish us well or just sit down and talk. It started with family support, then coworker support, and now support from all our friends. At first, I was not sure how many people I wanted to let know about our website and ordeal. After discussing it with my wife, we decided that the more people that know, the better. We feel there is such need for support to those who suffer from cancer. I was not able to find one support book in the bookstore about a month ago. If 1 in 5 people develop cancer, support is greatly needed. I hope more and more people are able to share in our experience. The more insight we can obtain, the more output we can share.
Jackie is doing great. She is getting ported this Tuesday, so most likely chemo will start on Wednesday. I hope there are no side effects to the surgery, because the last lymph node biopsy is still swollen. One of the doctors mentioned about a hemangioma? At least tomorrow is Friday again, which means I have the whole weekend to care for my wife. Life is good today.
There is such a great deal of love and support from everyone we know. Not a day goes by without having someone wish us well or just sit down and talk. It started with family support, then coworker support, and now support from all our friends. At first, I was not sure how many people I wanted to let know about our website and ordeal. After discussing it with my wife, we decided that the more people that know, the better. We feel there is such need for support to those who suffer from cancer. I was not able to find one support book in the bookstore about a month ago. If 1 in 5 people develop cancer, support is greatly needed. I hope more and more people are able to share in our experience. The more insight we can obtain, the more output we can share.
Jackie is doing great. She is getting ported this Tuesday, so most likely chemo will start on Wednesday. I hope there are no side effects to the surgery, because the last lymph node biopsy is still swollen. One of the doctors mentioned about a hemangioma? At least tomorrow is Friday again, which means I have the whole weekend to care for my wife. Life is good today.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Day 27
In order to get places in life, you have to be assertive. It is the assertive person that is the most popular in school. It is the assertive one that gets the job and the raise. It is also the assertive one that will get treated medically. The patient that waits for her appointment will never get treated. Jackie has definitely experienced this personally. She saw her PCP yesterday who sent a referral to the general surgeon, our oncologist, and OBGYN. The last step before chemo is to install the port of chemo therapy from the general surgeon. Jackie had to call the surgeons office herself today and they denied any referral sent. After another set of phone calls to the PCP they finally offered her an appointment 2 weeks later. Incredible huh? Luckily Jackie’s oncologist office is willing to fend for us. They told her it is unacceptable and called the office personally. Her appointment is tomorrow at 3pm. Ridiculous huh!
Today we had a large dinner with my company. Everyone loves seeing Jackie. It is definitely encouraging to have lots of support. Any type of encouragement seems to be received 2 fold due to our current situation. I guess I am definitely still very lucky.
In order to get places in life, you have to be assertive. It is the assertive person that is the most popular in school. It is the assertive one that gets the job and the raise. It is also the assertive one that will get treated medically. The patient that waits for her appointment will never get treated. Jackie has definitely experienced this personally. She saw her PCP yesterday who sent a referral to the general surgeon, our oncologist, and OBGYN. The last step before chemo is to install the port of chemo therapy from the general surgeon. Jackie had to call the surgeons office herself today and they denied any referral sent. After another set of phone calls to the PCP they finally offered her an appointment 2 weeks later. Incredible huh? Luckily Jackie’s oncologist office is willing to fend for us. They told her it is unacceptable and called the office personally. Her appointment is tomorrow at 3pm. Ridiculous huh!
Today we had a large dinner with my company. Everyone loves seeing Jackie. It is definitely encouraging to have lots of support. Any type of encouragement seems to be received 2 fold due to our current situation. I guess I am definitely still very lucky.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Day 26
It has been more than a week since Jackie’s tissue biopsy. The swelling has definitely subsided but there is still a large bulb sticking out. The strange part about her swelling is that it is hard. 5 days ago, she went to see the doctor and he was very surprised that the swelling was so large. After informing him of what has been happening he said that occasionally after a lymph node biopsy, another lymph node become affected. So basically he made it worse! He replaced one affected node with another. However chemo is supposed to reduce the swelling. Jackie still looks as beautiful since the day I met her, swelling or no swelling.
Today, she went to meet her HMO doctor and obtained all the necessary referrals. I’ve been waiting the last month for a response for the local cancer foundation to see if there was any funding that can help us with payments. The foundation rejected our requests saying that she has insurance and I make too much money. She took all the rejected claims bills over to prove to the foundation and useless her insurance is. This is a no win situation, Giving help is easy but asking for help is tedious. Wouldn’t it seem pointless to ask someone for help if I made too much money? What they do not realize is nobody can make payments of 5000 a month along with your regular mortgage, utilities, food, and student loans! We are trying to appeal their decision. Everything is a struggle.
It has been more than a week since Jackie’s tissue biopsy. The swelling has definitely subsided but there is still a large bulb sticking out. The strange part about her swelling is that it is hard. 5 days ago, she went to see the doctor and he was very surprised that the swelling was so large. After informing him of what has been happening he said that occasionally after a lymph node biopsy, another lymph node become affected. So basically he made it worse! He replaced one affected node with another. However chemo is supposed to reduce the swelling. Jackie still looks as beautiful since the day I met her, swelling or no swelling.
Today, she went to meet her HMO doctor and obtained all the necessary referrals. I’ve been waiting the last month for a response for the local cancer foundation to see if there was any funding that can help us with payments. The foundation rejected our requests saying that she has insurance and I make too much money. She took all the rejected claims bills over to prove to the foundation and useless her insurance is. This is a no win situation, Giving help is easy but asking for help is tedious. Wouldn’t it seem pointless to ask someone for help if I made too much money? What they do not realize is nobody can make payments of 5000 a month along with your regular mortgage, utilities, food, and student loans! We are trying to appeal their decision. Everything is a struggle.
Day 20
Today we had another appointment with the oncologist. I was hoping her biopsy results would be in, but of course, nothing was received. The oncologist did suggest we start the chemo process next week. In a way, Jackie and I are both very relieved. Like I mentioned earlier, it’s just 4 months and then hopefully never again.
Day 21-22
Today was a happy day. I was surprised to receive our insurance cards before the HMO even became effective. I chose this specific HMO group due to the fact her oncologist was part of the network. He was able to call a PCP and our appointment was scheduled on the very day insurance becomes effective. If everything goes smoothly, she should see her PCP Tuesday, obtain referral to in tube IV surgeon Wednesday, IV placement Thursday, and chemotherapy Friday. I know life isn’t perfect, but if it falls anywhere close to my schedule, I will be very happy.
More good news! The results of her biopsy came back today. She obtained a copy of the biopsy slide. It was pretty obvious that there were reed-sternberg cells in her slide. However, the pathologist didn’t not see any rare subtypes only classic Hodgkin’s. All this is such a relief to our ears. We can no enjoy a nice Thanksgiving with family and await the week to come.
Day 23
Jackie went to her last day of work today for awhile. The area she works keeps the air very cold. Whenever she says that there is a runny nose or slight sore throat, I go into alert mode. I am very aware of her health and I need to know how she is doing. I try to keep the house very clean and stocked my house with lots of antibacterial sanitation.
Jackie seems to be doing very well. She spent the day thinking of how she wants her hair short. She drew a sketch of what he hair would look like. I love how she prepares herself for these situations. Jackie has a great attitude and it makes things much easier.
Tomorrow is church, and it’s great that her faith is growing stronger. I trust God this is only a small bump in our lives and will only bring us closer together.
Day 24
Today was an uneventful day. Church of course is a great time to realize that there is a spiritual father that watches over all. When times seem tough and all hopes are lost, God will always be there to turn to. My wife and I were able to spend a great weekend and today with family. We then were able to catch a movie and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. It is times like these I will always look back on as well as look forward to. This week will be a very busy week. As mentioned before, this week we are hoping to place the IV in and start chemo treatment.
Day 25
Well this week has started. I found this great website that is so informative and supportive. http://forums.lymphoma.com/forumdisplay.php?f=6 This forum has a bunch of people with Hodgkin’s lymphoma. They share all their questions and experiences with one another. I guess it feels good to know that we are not alone. It is also very sad to see how many people are currently undergoing treatment and also how many have had it. I posted a question about certain issues pondering my mind; there were 8 responses in less than one day. I was so moved and appreciative of their support.
Jackie went to work today. To her work is a piece of cake. She has so much energy, it is great. I hope during her treatment she can continue to keep her energy up. I read that chemotherapy fatigues you a lot. We have started looking up neutropenic diets. Unfortunately basically everything has to cooked and separated from others. All food must be washed thoroughly and all countertops must be sanitized. Basically everything we are doing now must be done 10x as thoroughly. It is a great practice but may be very tedious.
Today we had another appointment with the oncologist. I was hoping her biopsy results would be in, but of course, nothing was received. The oncologist did suggest we start the chemo process next week. In a way, Jackie and I are both very relieved. Like I mentioned earlier, it’s just 4 months and then hopefully never again.
Day 21-22
Today was a happy day. I was surprised to receive our insurance cards before the HMO even became effective. I chose this specific HMO group due to the fact her oncologist was part of the network. He was able to call a PCP and our appointment was scheduled on the very day insurance becomes effective. If everything goes smoothly, she should see her PCP Tuesday, obtain referral to in tube IV surgeon Wednesday, IV placement Thursday, and chemotherapy Friday. I know life isn’t perfect, but if it falls anywhere close to my schedule, I will be very happy.
More good news! The results of her biopsy came back today. She obtained a copy of the biopsy slide. It was pretty obvious that there were reed-sternberg cells in her slide. However, the pathologist didn’t not see any rare subtypes only classic Hodgkin’s. All this is such a relief to our ears. We can no enjoy a nice Thanksgiving with family and await the week to come.
Day 23
Jackie went to her last day of work today for awhile. The area she works keeps the air very cold. Whenever she says that there is a runny nose or slight sore throat, I go into alert mode. I am very aware of her health and I need to know how she is doing. I try to keep the house very clean and stocked my house with lots of antibacterial sanitation.
Jackie seems to be doing very well. She spent the day thinking of how she wants her hair short. She drew a sketch of what he hair would look like. I love how she prepares herself for these situations. Jackie has a great attitude and it makes things much easier.
Tomorrow is church, and it’s great that her faith is growing stronger. I trust God this is only a small bump in our lives and will only bring us closer together.
Day 24
Today was an uneventful day. Church of course is a great time to realize that there is a spiritual father that watches over all. When times seem tough and all hopes are lost, God will always be there to turn to. My wife and I were able to spend a great weekend and today with family. We then were able to catch a movie and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. It is times like these I will always look back on as well as look forward to. This week will be a very busy week. As mentioned before, this week we are hoping to place the IV in and start chemo treatment.
Day 25
Well this week has started. I found this great website that is so informative and supportive. http://forums.lymphoma.com/forumdisplay.php?f=6 This forum has a bunch of people with Hodgkin’s lymphoma. They share all their questions and experiences with one another. I guess it feels good to know that we are not alone. It is also very sad to see how many people are currently undergoing treatment and also how many have had it. I posted a question about certain issues pondering my mind; there were 8 responses in less than one day. I was so moved and appreciative of their support.
Jackie went to work today. To her work is a piece of cake. She has so much energy, it is great. I hope during her treatment she can continue to keep her energy up. I read that chemotherapy fatigues you a lot. We have started looking up neutropenic diets. Unfortunately basically everything has to cooked and separated from others. All food must be washed thoroughly and all countertops must be sanitized. Basically everything we are doing now must be done 10x as thoroughly. It is a great practice but may be very tedious.
Day 17-19
The tissue biopsy went very well. At 10am I took my wife into the outpatient surgery center for her tissue biopsy. We spent an hour waiting for the doctors and the OR to clear up. The doctor ended up taking out a whole lymph node. He told us that the node was the size of the walnut. I hope it comes back from the pathologist as classic Hodgkin’s.
The fun did not start until after the surgery though. Jackie is definitely a brave a girl. She told the anesthesiologist to give her only local anesthesia. The doctor had to bargain with her and they ended up with a mild sedation. Anyways, she was the only patient that day that came out of surgery with a large smile on her face. I took her out to lunch and everything was fine. She had a nice grilled salmon surgery which is full of protein. She started to become very quiet at the end of lunch and insisted on going home. At home she complained her neck hurting when she talked. She needed to sit up straight and place lots of support behind her. I figured the local anesthesia was running out and probably normal side effects to have. An hour later her neck started swelling up. She couldn’t move her neck. It seemed very painful. I noticed every single breather she took a tear fell from pain. I gave her a Tylenol and she ended up falling asleep. When she awoke, her neck was significantly elephantly swollen. That night she ate a little and I told her to take some Nyquil to sleep.
The following day her neck was just as swollen. Jackie spent the whole day in a slightly cocked right, supine neck position. I made her stay at home the whole day and sit. Knowing how she has a very busy personality, I had to keep her busy. We did puzzles, games, and watched movies.
The third day is when I’m finally seeing improvement. She is able to move her neck more. She is able to move around and do very simple chores. Her neck has significantly reduced in swelling. I so hope all the swelling disappear. She is definitely a strong girl and heals well. I wonder how I would have been. They say guys actually handle sickness worse than women. When guys are sick they act as babies towards their wives. Women fight their sickness by telling themselves they have to get better to perform their responsibilities. How ironic that the strong male is the largest baby out of a relationship.
Day 19
I got a 7500 dollar bill today. I opened it up and then stuffed it back in. The medical billing market is ridiculous. How can they give you a bill like that and ask very politely to pay. At least they give you the convenience of paying online.
Jackie is doing very well. She actually went to a full day of work today. She said there were no problems with her neck. I can see swelling but it’s getting smaller and smaller. I think she heals very fast and I it gives me hope. She is finally going to wash her hair today after 4 days. I think this is the most excitement she has been having the last three days. Finally I can sleep in the same bed as her tonight. Just kidding! She smells good all the time.
The tissue biopsy went very well. At 10am I took my wife into the outpatient surgery center for her tissue biopsy. We spent an hour waiting for the doctors and the OR to clear up. The doctor ended up taking out a whole lymph node. He told us that the node was the size of the walnut. I hope it comes back from the pathologist as classic Hodgkin’s.
The fun did not start until after the surgery though. Jackie is definitely a brave a girl. She told the anesthesiologist to give her only local anesthesia. The doctor had to bargain with her and they ended up with a mild sedation. Anyways, she was the only patient that day that came out of surgery with a large smile on her face. I took her out to lunch and everything was fine. She had a nice grilled salmon surgery which is full of protein. She started to become very quiet at the end of lunch and insisted on going home. At home she complained her neck hurting when she talked. She needed to sit up straight and place lots of support behind her. I figured the local anesthesia was running out and probably normal side effects to have. An hour later her neck started swelling up. She couldn’t move her neck. It seemed very painful. I noticed every single breather she took a tear fell from pain. I gave her a Tylenol and she ended up falling asleep. When she awoke, her neck was significantly elephantly swollen. That night she ate a little and I told her to take some Nyquil to sleep.
The following day her neck was just as swollen. Jackie spent the whole day in a slightly cocked right, supine neck position. I made her stay at home the whole day and sit. Knowing how she has a very busy personality, I had to keep her busy. We did puzzles, games, and watched movies.
The third day is when I’m finally seeing improvement. She is able to move her neck more. She is able to move around and do very simple chores. Her neck has significantly reduced in swelling. I so hope all the swelling disappear. She is definitely a strong girl and heals well. I wonder how I would have been. They say guys actually handle sickness worse than women. When guys are sick they act as babies towards their wives. Women fight their sickness by telling themselves they have to get better to perform their responsibilities. How ironic that the strong male is the largest baby out of a relationship.
Day 19
I got a 7500 dollar bill today. I opened it up and then stuffed it back in. The medical billing market is ridiculous. How can they give you a bill like that and ask very politely to pay. At least they give you the convenience of paying online.
Jackie is doing very well. She actually went to a full day of work today. She said there were no problems with her neck. I can see swelling but it’s getting smaller and smaller. I think she heals very fast and I it gives me hope. She is finally going to wash her hair today after 4 days. I think this is the most excitement she has been having the last three days. Finally I can sleep in the same bed as her tonight. Just kidding! She smells good all the time.
Day 15-16
Finding a doctor who cares is the hardest part. Sometimes I feel that everything is this world is about money. As long as the doctor gets paid for their service, it doesn’t matter to them. This whole biopsy ordeal has gone on too long. One doctor thinks its necessary and the other one doesn’t. Finally we had a doctor call the pathologist. His answer to us was, most likely this is classic Hodgkin’s but without a whole tissue biopsy it is difficult to tell. Why did he have to wait a week to tell this to use? Of course, we are going to do the biopsy if it can help treat the disease better. Sometimes I wish I was an oncologist.
Second issue is back to the menial insurance organization of our country. You have insurance but it doesn’t pay for anything. I pay $54 dollars a month just in case I have to take an ambulance ride. Everything else besides the gas fee of the ambulance is not covered. Having a medical condition can ruin all your financial stability.
Can you believe how busy these doctors are? The biopsy can either be done this Friday or we got to wait until next month which is ten days away. The third oncologist can only be seen this Friday or wait until next month. Obviously I can’t wait until next month and I can’t see both of you on Friday. I hope they don’t do this to people that are going through something more time restricted. I don’t care anymore. I’m just going to pay cash for everything until insurance kicks in next month, send the rest of my bills to Obama.
Day 17
Insurance policies are impossible to understand. Everyone has different information for you about what is covered. Jackie spent the whole day trying to figure out what her good for nothing PPO plan did. She called Bluecross and the customer service rep mentioned that chemotherapy was covered. Once she reached her deductible then everything would be covered. That sounds very appealing right? However, treating cancer is not just chemotherapy. There is also radiation, CT scans, and medications. The rep forgot to mention that all the others were not covered by her PPO. They don’t even go towards her deductible. It is definitely such a misleading system. I have been very worried about my HMO. I know my HMO covers a lot better than her PPO. However, HMOs have there own world of troubles. I know that you need a PCP which has to authorize everything little breathe you make. Also, preauthorization needs to be accepted before treatment can be made. Not to mention, I hope this pre-existing condition doesn’t bite me in the ass. I hope this works….
Finding a doctor who cares is the hardest part. Sometimes I feel that everything is this world is about money. As long as the doctor gets paid for their service, it doesn’t matter to them. This whole biopsy ordeal has gone on too long. One doctor thinks its necessary and the other one doesn’t. Finally we had a doctor call the pathologist. His answer to us was, most likely this is classic Hodgkin’s but without a whole tissue biopsy it is difficult to tell. Why did he have to wait a week to tell this to use? Of course, we are going to do the biopsy if it can help treat the disease better. Sometimes I wish I was an oncologist.
Second issue is back to the menial insurance organization of our country. You have insurance but it doesn’t pay for anything. I pay $54 dollars a month just in case I have to take an ambulance ride. Everything else besides the gas fee of the ambulance is not covered. Having a medical condition can ruin all your financial stability.
Can you believe how busy these doctors are? The biopsy can either be done this Friday or we got to wait until next month which is ten days away. The third oncologist can only be seen this Friday or wait until next month. Obviously I can’t wait until next month and I can’t see both of you on Friday. I hope they don’t do this to people that are going through something more time restricted. I don’t care anymore. I’m just going to pay cash for everything until insurance kicks in next month, send the rest of my bills to Obama.
Day 17
Insurance policies are impossible to understand. Everyone has different information for you about what is covered. Jackie spent the whole day trying to figure out what her good for nothing PPO plan did. She called Bluecross and the customer service rep mentioned that chemotherapy was covered. Once she reached her deductible then everything would be covered. That sounds very appealing right? However, treating cancer is not just chemotherapy. There is also radiation, CT scans, and medications. The rep forgot to mention that all the others were not covered by her PPO. They don’t even go towards her deductible. It is definitely such a misleading system. I have been very worried about my HMO. I know my HMO covers a lot better than her PPO. However, HMOs have there own world of troubles. I know that you need a PCP which has to authorize everything little breathe you make. Also, preauthorization needs to be accepted before treatment can be made. Not to mention, I hope this pre-existing condition doesn’t bite me in the ass. I hope this works….
Day 13
Jackie has great bone marrow! It was such wonderful news to hear that there is no spread into the marrow. Things are picking up, good news is starting to flow in, and we’re reaching our light at the end slowly. Jackie has been feeling very upbeat and she has been working. It’s so nice to see her full of energy. Currently we are deciding what to do with her hair. We were thinking of donating her hair to cancer societies to make wigs. Also, I was asking her if she wanted to trim it short first so that the transition to no hair won’t be as dramatic. There are lots of preparations. I want to make sure the house is always clean, and that there is food when she needs energy.
Our phones have been going off consistently everyday. Word spreads fast. It has gone from across the state all the way to the other side of the world. We have family doctor friends calling us to give us advice, we have family friends calling us for support, and we have friends volunteering to come over and take care of Jackie.
I think keeping in good spirits is what will fight a battle like this. The mind is a powerful motivating organ. It produces hormones to keep us happy. A happy body and mind will provide a healthy temple to fight these cancer cells. I am trying to do everything I can to keep a smile on her face.
Day 13
America is the land of opportunity right? From what I understand, there are many organizations out there that will help with the financial portion of treatment. Of course, these organizations will not just drop into your lap. There are applications, review periods, and a search into your life before they will offer services. Basically, before you qualify for financial assistance, you need to sell your house and clean out all existing bank accounts. I’m sure a lot of people know that in America the rich get rich and the poor get benefits. Middle class citizens have to choose a side before help is given.
Jackie has her tissue biopsy on Monday. In the back of my mind, I am constantly hoping that the pathologists made a mistake with the diagnosis. This is the last step before a treatment plan is set up and initiated. I pray that this treatment is a once in a life time event. I hope the chemo/radiation rids all those alien cells in her body. Let’s get this over with!
Day 14
So young and so much to think about. Our answer machine has been very popular these last few weeks. There is an average of 5 messages each day when coming home from work. They are always to schedule this, remind that, and advise this. I just wonder if Jackie is sick of all this. She is the one that always has to schedule everything. We mailed in the financial aid application and are keeping fingers crossed. I hope they don’t hold my full time job against me.
The side effects of chemotherapy and radiation are scary. There is more chance of developing a secondary cancer, chance for infertility, and of course chance the original tumor does not respond. It is difficult to prepare for the future when our present has only been for 6 months. I’m hoping because my wife is young and healthy, there will be a speedy recovery and no side effects.
Jackie has great bone marrow! It was such wonderful news to hear that there is no spread into the marrow. Things are picking up, good news is starting to flow in, and we’re reaching our light at the end slowly. Jackie has been feeling very upbeat and she has been working. It’s so nice to see her full of energy. Currently we are deciding what to do with her hair. We were thinking of donating her hair to cancer societies to make wigs. Also, I was asking her if she wanted to trim it short first so that the transition to no hair won’t be as dramatic. There are lots of preparations. I want to make sure the house is always clean, and that there is food when she needs energy.
Our phones have been going off consistently everyday. Word spreads fast. It has gone from across the state all the way to the other side of the world. We have family doctor friends calling us to give us advice, we have family friends calling us for support, and we have friends volunteering to come over and take care of Jackie.
I think keeping in good spirits is what will fight a battle like this. The mind is a powerful motivating organ. It produces hormones to keep us happy. A happy body and mind will provide a healthy temple to fight these cancer cells. I am trying to do everything I can to keep a smile on her face.
Day 13
America is the land of opportunity right? From what I understand, there are many organizations out there that will help with the financial portion of treatment. Of course, these organizations will not just drop into your lap. There are applications, review periods, and a search into your life before they will offer services. Basically, before you qualify for financial assistance, you need to sell your house and clean out all existing bank accounts. I’m sure a lot of people know that in America the rich get rich and the poor get benefits. Middle class citizens have to choose a side before help is given.
Jackie has her tissue biopsy on Monday. In the back of my mind, I am constantly hoping that the pathologists made a mistake with the diagnosis. This is the last step before a treatment plan is set up and initiated. I pray that this treatment is a once in a life time event. I hope the chemo/radiation rids all those alien cells in her body. Let’s get this over with!
Day 14
So young and so much to think about. Our answer machine has been very popular these last few weeks. There is an average of 5 messages each day when coming home from work. They are always to schedule this, remind that, and advise this. I just wonder if Jackie is sick of all this. She is the one that always has to schedule everything. We mailed in the financial aid application and are keeping fingers crossed. I hope they don’t hold my full time job against me.
The side effects of chemotherapy and radiation are scary. There is more chance of developing a secondary cancer, chance for infertility, and of course chance the original tumor does not respond. It is difficult to prepare for the future when our present has only been for 6 months. I’m hoping because my wife is young and healthy, there will be a speedy recovery and no side effects.
Day 13
Everyone says a second opinion is very important. What happens when one doctor orders a certain test, but the other does not find it necessary. That is our current dilemma. The conclusion we have come to is a third opinion. Best two out of three right? However, all these opinions are out of pocket. We are skilled to know what our medical bills look like currently. But it is always realistic to know how much you owe and make sure you don’t end up spending your whole life paying it back.
Jackie is doing very well now. Tomorrow we are going shopping for sweaters and hats. I find this as therapy for her. I think she deserves it. I want her to be ready inside before all the chemo and radiation begins. No more stress, no more worries. Things have to be done and before we know it, life will be the way it was.
I am currently trying to encourage Jackie to eat as much as she can. Chemo takes a big toll on your body. Most likely one is going to lose weight during the process. I am encouraging her to protein load. I hope she gains some weight before treatment. Being strong and healthy is very important during process. Chicken, beef, fish, is all great sources of energy. Time to learn how to make some good food!
Day 14
Oh today was such a fun. It is so nice to spend a lovely day my wife. She is my best friend and it is so great to see her laugh. I’m looking forward to the end of her treatment so we can laugh and play everyday. I took her shopping and we bought some shirts and sweaters for her. Then we hit up the buffet for protein overloading. I also stopped by Costco today to fill up the fridge. I enjoy doing things for Jackie to make her smile and be healthy.
Tomorrow is another day of doctor appointments. First it’s the ECG, then the 3rd opinion, and finally the pulmonary function test. I took the afternoon off to spend with her. It is definitely what I want to do. I want to be with her as much as possible.
Day 15
Today was a half day. Lots of doctors’ visits were done. The first part of the morning was spent doing an ECG. It was a fairly simple procedure, but great information came out of it. In fact, we were introduced to a salon that specialized in customizing wigs for chemo patients. What a great idea! From the people I’ve talked to going through treatment, one of the hardest parts for women is losing hair. Especially for women, hair is very important; it represents pride and beauty to have hair. Jackie feels complacent with not being able to have hair the next few months. I’m not sure how she will feel when the hair starts falling out. We’ve been trying to find hats, caps, scarves, and now we have wigs.
The next doctor was for our 3rd opinion. Obviously with our wonderful health care system, a patient has to go through a primary care doctor before seeing any specialist. Hopefully the doctor makes an urgent referral and we can see this third oncologist soon. The final appointment was for a pulmonary function test. This test is similar to what athletes take to test their lung capacities. They measure your total lung capacity, lung capacity through a pressurized system, lung capacity with different gases, and residual capacity. All these tests are baselines and very normal. It was a very eventful day and luckily we were able to top it off with a movie together.
Everyone says a second opinion is very important. What happens when one doctor orders a certain test, but the other does not find it necessary. That is our current dilemma. The conclusion we have come to is a third opinion. Best two out of three right? However, all these opinions are out of pocket. We are skilled to know what our medical bills look like currently. But it is always realistic to know how much you owe and make sure you don’t end up spending your whole life paying it back.
Jackie is doing very well now. Tomorrow we are going shopping for sweaters and hats. I find this as therapy for her. I think she deserves it. I want her to be ready inside before all the chemo and radiation begins. No more stress, no more worries. Things have to be done and before we know it, life will be the way it was.
I am currently trying to encourage Jackie to eat as much as she can. Chemo takes a big toll on your body. Most likely one is going to lose weight during the process. I am encouraging her to protein load. I hope she gains some weight before treatment. Being strong and healthy is very important during process. Chicken, beef, fish, is all great sources of energy. Time to learn how to make some good food!
Day 14
Oh today was such a fun. It is so nice to spend a lovely day my wife. She is my best friend and it is so great to see her laugh. I’m looking forward to the end of her treatment so we can laugh and play everyday. I took her shopping and we bought some shirts and sweaters for her. Then we hit up the buffet for protein overloading. I also stopped by Costco today to fill up the fridge. I enjoy doing things for Jackie to make her smile and be healthy.
Tomorrow is another day of doctor appointments. First it’s the ECG, then the 3rd opinion, and finally the pulmonary function test. I took the afternoon off to spend with her. It is definitely what I want to do. I want to be with her as much as possible.
Day 15
Today was a half day. Lots of doctors’ visits were done. The first part of the morning was spent doing an ECG. It was a fairly simple procedure, but great information came out of it. In fact, we were introduced to a salon that specialized in customizing wigs for chemo patients. What a great idea! From the people I’ve talked to going through treatment, one of the hardest parts for women is losing hair. Especially for women, hair is very important; it represents pride and beauty to have hair. Jackie feels complacent with not being able to have hair the next few months. I’m not sure how she will feel when the hair starts falling out. We’ve been trying to find hats, caps, scarves, and now we have wigs.
The next doctor was for our 3rd opinion. Obviously with our wonderful health care system, a patient has to go through a primary care doctor before seeing any specialist. Hopefully the doctor makes an urgent referral and we can see this third oncologist soon. The final appointment was for a pulmonary function test. This test is similar to what athletes take to test their lung capacities. They measure your total lung capacity, lung capacity through a pressurized system, lung capacity with different gases, and residual capacity. All these tests are baselines and very normal. It was a very eventful day and luckily we were able to top it off with a movie together.
Day 10
One of the toughest parts of this disease is telling our loved ones of the diagnosis. It is a very crucial responsibility but has to be dealt with eloquently. Having to tell mom that her daughter has cancer is scary. Inside, I can predict the tears that will run and the mood becoming very gloomy. However, what must be done has to be done. I feel that honesty is the best. Being able to explain what is going on, the treatment carefully, and the prognosis given helps keep the conversation stable.
Jackie’s mom took the information surprisingly well. She had similar denial feelings at first as I did. How can a young healthy lady have this disease? She came around real fast though. She quickly was starting to think of what is the best ways to deal with insurance, treatment, and follow-up care. What a relief! I am so glad we were able to return home and do this.
Day 11
It is so wonderful to have the love and care of friends and family. By telling family and friends, I feel like the burdens of Jackie and I have been slightly alleviated. It is not just us two finding ways to make ends meet. Now we have lots of people calling, planning, and helping us get the necessary steps down to plan for and effective and proper treatment plan. Jackie and I were able to talk to someone who went through a similar even in their life in the past. All his stories were very comforting to hear. The gray clouds have lifted slightly and I do see light. Tomorrow is the second opinion. I can’t wait to see what this doctor says. All I want is to have this disease out of Jackie’s body so I can love and live my life with my wife.
Day 12
Mixed emotions… I live a bipolar life currently. One minute I can be excited and happy about Jackie being able to get coverage finally, the next minute I can receive a phone call and flip my world upside down. It has become an art to multitask in my head. I try and juggle info that I heard one minute before and then go back to concentrating on work. I try not to let this interfere with my work life though. I have to maintain a certain amount of professionalism. It comes to the whole concept of leaving work at work and home at home. For me, home overlaps into work, but I will never let work overlap into home.
Today was second opinion day. Having no insurance makes everything complicated. Each thirty minute visit can easily rack up into a days pay or even more. This doctor today was full of hope though. He seemed for optimistic and straightforward on what needs to be done. His training seemed up to date and realistic. It was good to know that this lymphoma would be an easy task to deal with.
I’ve been appreciating the random texts and phone calls throughout the day. This can never be dealt with alone. It’s always nice to have friends and family for support no matter how far they are away. Jackie and I no longer have to feel alone and struggling by ourselves. Overall, today was a good day!
One of the toughest parts of this disease is telling our loved ones of the diagnosis. It is a very crucial responsibility but has to be dealt with eloquently. Having to tell mom that her daughter has cancer is scary. Inside, I can predict the tears that will run and the mood becoming very gloomy. However, what must be done has to be done. I feel that honesty is the best. Being able to explain what is going on, the treatment carefully, and the prognosis given helps keep the conversation stable.
Jackie’s mom took the information surprisingly well. She had similar denial feelings at first as I did. How can a young healthy lady have this disease? She came around real fast though. She quickly was starting to think of what is the best ways to deal with insurance, treatment, and follow-up care. What a relief! I am so glad we were able to return home and do this.
Day 11
It is so wonderful to have the love and care of friends and family. By telling family and friends, I feel like the burdens of Jackie and I have been slightly alleviated. It is not just us two finding ways to make ends meet. Now we have lots of people calling, planning, and helping us get the necessary steps down to plan for and effective and proper treatment plan. Jackie and I were able to talk to someone who went through a similar even in their life in the past. All his stories were very comforting to hear. The gray clouds have lifted slightly and I do see light. Tomorrow is the second opinion. I can’t wait to see what this doctor says. All I want is to have this disease out of Jackie’s body so I can love and live my life with my wife.
Day 12
Mixed emotions… I live a bipolar life currently. One minute I can be excited and happy about Jackie being able to get coverage finally, the next minute I can receive a phone call and flip my world upside down. It has become an art to multitask in my head. I try and juggle info that I heard one minute before and then go back to concentrating on work. I try not to let this interfere with my work life though. I have to maintain a certain amount of professionalism. It comes to the whole concept of leaving work at work and home at home. For me, home overlaps into work, but I will never let work overlap into home.
Today was second opinion day. Having no insurance makes everything complicated. Each thirty minute visit can easily rack up into a days pay or even more. This doctor today was full of hope though. He seemed for optimistic and straightforward on what needs to be done. His training seemed up to date and realistic. It was good to know that this lymphoma would be an easy task to deal with.
I’ve been appreciating the random texts and phone calls throughout the day. This can never be dealt with alone. It’s always nice to have friends and family for support no matter how far they are away. Jackie and I no longer have to feel alone and struggling by ourselves. Overall, today was a good day!
Day8
Good news… Bad news… I don’t even know. The worse thing about living in America is worrying about health insurance. I have always heard that millions of Americans are uninsured, but it never really bothered me. I always thought I would not be affected by this problem because I was young and healthy. I did not add Jackie onto my plan because we would save a few hundred dollars each month. However, now I know always to expect the unexpected. Jackie has limited, emergency coverage insurance. We found out a week ago that all her tests were not picked up by her current coverage. By the time we are applying for a new plan, the company has denied to application due to her current condition. It makes no sense to me that these insurance plans can deny a sick person. It is the sick who need the most insurance company. Yet, all they say is sorry, you have been denied. Now I can only wait until the beginning of next month to add my wife onto our group plan. What do I do for this month of expenses?
Jackie has been sick all day. She cancelled all her biopsies and tests for this week due to her health. I worry nonstop all day. I feel very lucky that I do have family, friends, coworkers who have a heart and will offer support. That is what gives hope to this world. I am appreciative of all the love I’ve been feeling. I know support will be the driving force behind both Jackie and I these next 6 months.
Day 9
The future has been put on halt. Every single move is on edge. Each day is just more and more stressful. People are noticing my tired complexion today. Everyday I wake up worrying about how I am going to get insurance. The dirty word of the day is “preexisting condition.” I’m hoping that my group plan goes through; else I really have no idea what to do next.
Jackie, my sister, and I finally got a chance to relax from the stresses of life tonight. We were able to take a few hours off to enjoy a show at the local theatre. I feel like a good laugh and some light, non thought provoking entertainment is the best remedy. I am so on edge lately, but I know the worse isn’t even here yet. I wake up wishing this was all a bad dream. I drag myself to work because I need to. There is a light to this dark tunnel though. My hope, joy, light is seeing my wife cancer free.
Day 10
This world is upside down. It doesn’t make any sense anymore. I’m sure everyone has heard of the psychiatrist who opened fire in Texas at Fort Hood. He has so far killed 13 people and injured 30 others. Yet, the hospital is currently spending countless hours try to get him into stable condition. Our tax dollars are trying to save a man who just opened fire on more people than you have fingers and toes. Here we are, as doctors who try and help others, struggling to find a insurance policy to cover for cancer treatment. My wife is only 27 and could probably help more people in the rest of her life than that guy can dream of. Upside down world!
At least on the flip side, I received a glimpse of hopeful light today. I am filling out an application for my wife through my employee group HMO. Even though it is not effective until the first of next month, it is definitely worth the wait. I’m definitely crossing my fingers and praying. Anything would suffice in my situation. Is it that hard to ask for help to save my wife?
Good news… Bad news… I don’t even know. The worse thing about living in America is worrying about health insurance. I have always heard that millions of Americans are uninsured, but it never really bothered me. I always thought I would not be affected by this problem because I was young and healthy. I did not add Jackie onto my plan because we would save a few hundred dollars each month. However, now I know always to expect the unexpected. Jackie has limited, emergency coverage insurance. We found out a week ago that all her tests were not picked up by her current coverage. By the time we are applying for a new plan, the company has denied to application due to her current condition. It makes no sense to me that these insurance plans can deny a sick person. It is the sick who need the most insurance company. Yet, all they say is sorry, you have been denied. Now I can only wait until the beginning of next month to add my wife onto our group plan. What do I do for this month of expenses?
Jackie has been sick all day. She cancelled all her biopsies and tests for this week due to her health. I worry nonstop all day. I feel very lucky that I do have family, friends, coworkers who have a heart and will offer support. That is what gives hope to this world. I am appreciative of all the love I’ve been feeling. I know support will be the driving force behind both Jackie and I these next 6 months.
Day 9
The future has been put on halt. Every single move is on edge. Each day is just more and more stressful. People are noticing my tired complexion today. Everyday I wake up worrying about how I am going to get insurance. The dirty word of the day is “preexisting condition.” I’m hoping that my group plan goes through; else I really have no idea what to do next.
Jackie, my sister, and I finally got a chance to relax from the stresses of life tonight. We were able to take a few hours off to enjoy a show at the local theatre. I feel like a good laugh and some light, non thought provoking entertainment is the best remedy. I am so on edge lately, but I know the worse isn’t even here yet. I wake up wishing this was all a bad dream. I drag myself to work because I need to. There is a light to this dark tunnel though. My hope, joy, light is seeing my wife cancer free.
Day 10
This world is upside down. It doesn’t make any sense anymore. I’m sure everyone has heard of the psychiatrist who opened fire in Texas at Fort Hood. He has so far killed 13 people and injured 30 others. Yet, the hospital is currently spending countless hours try to get him into stable condition. Our tax dollars are trying to save a man who just opened fire on more people than you have fingers and toes. Here we are, as doctors who try and help others, struggling to find a insurance policy to cover for cancer treatment. My wife is only 27 and could probably help more people in the rest of her life than that guy can dream of. Upside down world!
At least on the flip side, I received a glimpse of hopeful light today. I am filling out an application for my wife through my employee group HMO. Even though it is not effective until the first of next month, it is definitely worth the wait. I’m definitely crossing my fingers and praying. Anything would suffice in my situation. Is it that hard to ask for help to save my wife?
Day 6
Reality has set in today. It is time for Jackie and I to think logically and wisely about the way we are going to handle our lives the nest week, next year, and even the future. Jackie saw three doctors total today. The doctors classified her lymphoma as stage 2B. Doctors have talked to her about possible radiation/slash chemo therapy. They educated her on the side effects of chemotherapy. They also told her that she would need lots of rest and probably no work for the next 4-6 months.
All this information can be easily attainable through a textbook. However, the reality doesn’t hit until it is presented personally. Jackie and I have to begin thinking of how to arrange care for her while she’s in therapy. Also, we have to cancel a huge family trip to Asia that we have been planning since marriage. The most pain staking reality is how we are going to deal with the future when it comes to pregnancy. The thought of being infertile and never being able to see the children we are capable of having together hurts both my wife and I deeply. We will never be able to watch our own children grow up and see which child looks like which parent. It is such a hard idea to fathom currently and it scares me to even imagine. Options are always there for adoption or egg storage.
Reality is a horrible fact to face. It never gives you a break, but keeps throwing more and more obstacles in your face.
Day7
Acting strong and being strong is very different. I put on a persona that I’m cool with all that is going on. I want people to think that I have control of my situation and I am very calm. Deep inside I am a wreck. Just thinking about my wife always puts a well of tears in my eyes. I can’t help but sob a little when I start talking about her. Maybe she is just a braver person than I am or at least putting on a good show.
Jackie caught the flu last night and it worries me a lot. She spent the whole night coughing and blowing her nose. She has finally slowly recovered her voice but is still running through Kleenex vigorously. There is a tough battle ahead of her; she does not need anymore additional nuances to her life.
I am still learning how to be the best support to her during these next 6 months. I try to remind myself that the next six months only revolves around her. I am going to throw my own life out of the picture. I want to be able to sacrifice all my time and strength watching after her, providing her, and comforting her. It definitely sounds selfless and maybe even heroic, but it definitely is a lot easier said than done.
Reality has set in today. It is time for Jackie and I to think logically and wisely about the way we are going to handle our lives the nest week, next year, and even the future. Jackie saw three doctors total today. The doctors classified her lymphoma as stage 2B. Doctors have talked to her about possible radiation/slash chemo therapy. They educated her on the side effects of chemotherapy. They also told her that she would need lots of rest and probably no work for the next 4-6 months.
All this information can be easily attainable through a textbook. However, the reality doesn’t hit until it is presented personally. Jackie and I have to begin thinking of how to arrange care for her while she’s in therapy. Also, we have to cancel a huge family trip to Asia that we have been planning since marriage. The most pain staking reality is how we are going to deal with the future when it comes to pregnancy. The thought of being infertile and never being able to see the children we are capable of having together hurts both my wife and I deeply. We will never be able to watch our own children grow up and see which child looks like which parent. It is such a hard idea to fathom currently and it scares me to even imagine. Options are always there for adoption or egg storage.
Reality is a horrible fact to face. It never gives you a break, but keeps throwing more and more obstacles in your face.
Day7
Acting strong and being strong is very different. I put on a persona that I’m cool with all that is going on. I want people to think that I have control of my situation and I am very calm. Deep inside I am a wreck. Just thinking about my wife always puts a well of tears in my eyes. I can’t help but sob a little when I start talking about her. Maybe she is just a braver person than I am or at least putting on a good show.
Jackie caught the flu last night and it worries me a lot. She spent the whole night coughing and blowing her nose. She has finally slowly recovered her voice but is still running through Kleenex vigorously. There is a tough battle ahead of her; she does not need anymore additional nuances to her life.
I am still learning how to be the best support to her during these next 6 months. I try to remind myself that the next six months only revolves around her. I am going to throw my own life out of the picture. I want to be able to sacrifice all my time and strength watching after her, providing her, and comforting her. It definitely sounds selfless and maybe even heroic, but it definitely is a lot easier said than done.
Day3
Today is acceptance. I am finally accepting the notion of the disease. I know what must be done, and I’m slowly convincing myself. I want to spend the whole day showing my wife how much I love her. Time is definitely precious. I have never realized how much I am in love with my wife. It feels like I want to always protect her and watch over her. It may be better not to talk about the stages of the disease until her consultation day.
Denial is your mind trying to fool you into an innate protection. However, acceptance is a deeper understanding. It feels much more peaceful and less hectic. I hope my feelings are going to endure on and not be swayed. I can only offer my support and prayers to my wife for now.
Day 4
The weekend has finally arrived. I have read everything single website, forum, article about Hodgkin’s Lymphoma possible. Another hour was spent at Barnes and Nobles reading all the medical books about the disease. For a society that is constantly in contact with cancer, there are not too many books that explain, support, or comfort the disease.
They say knowledge is power. I find knowledge to be hope. By understanding I can about lymphomas, I can hopefully be more of a support and realistic towards Jackie. Of course, I do not want to let Jackie know what I have been reading. I want to be able to provide her as little stress as possible. Stress weakens the immune system, and that is the last thing I need her to have.
I have been praying nonstop everyday during my free time. Some people say prayer is man’s last resort, but I view prayer as my primary stronghold. Man does not have the capabilities to handle the tests of the world. I am going to live by God’s word to guide me through this struggle. Philippians 4:13 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength” Please God, grant both Jackie and I the strength to fight this ordeal. Give me wisdom and strength to be the stronghold for my wife. Let your spirit and life dwell in Jackie as she fights off this outsider in her body. Amen.
Day 5
Today was a full day with my wife. God really answers prayers when you are down and distressed. I constantly remind myself not to bring up the Hodgkin’s disease too often in front of Jackie. Why do I need to remind her of something we have no control over? Tomorrow is her consultation with the doctor and then she is seeing the oncologist for staging. Our insurance application has been received, so we can only wait in the mean time. There is no point of constant repetition of what is uncontrollable.
I catch myself treating Jackie as a parent would treat a sick child. I want her to just rest and relax while I do the cooking, cleaning, and everything else. I notice that is just demeaning her self- confidence. Letting her be able to be independent and self-reliant helps her gain strength in herself and keeps her mind occupied. That is one thing I’m learning. The mind wanders when bored. If she is capable and not harming her then I should definitely let her do what she wants. I am my wife’s crutch. I will be there when she needs my support. Support can be given physically but also mentally.
Today is acceptance. I am finally accepting the notion of the disease. I know what must be done, and I’m slowly convincing myself. I want to spend the whole day showing my wife how much I love her. Time is definitely precious. I have never realized how much I am in love with my wife. It feels like I want to always protect her and watch over her. It may be better not to talk about the stages of the disease until her consultation day.
Denial is your mind trying to fool you into an innate protection. However, acceptance is a deeper understanding. It feels much more peaceful and less hectic. I hope my feelings are going to endure on and not be swayed. I can only offer my support and prayers to my wife for now.
Day 4
The weekend has finally arrived. I have read everything single website, forum, article about Hodgkin’s Lymphoma possible. Another hour was spent at Barnes and Nobles reading all the medical books about the disease. For a society that is constantly in contact with cancer, there are not too many books that explain, support, or comfort the disease.
They say knowledge is power. I find knowledge to be hope. By understanding I can about lymphomas, I can hopefully be more of a support and realistic towards Jackie. Of course, I do not want to let Jackie know what I have been reading. I want to be able to provide her as little stress as possible. Stress weakens the immune system, and that is the last thing I need her to have.
I have been praying nonstop everyday during my free time. Some people say prayer is man’s last resort, but I view prayer as my primary stronghold. Man does not have the capabilities to handle the tests of the world. I am going to live by God’s word to guide me through this struggle. Philippians 4:13 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength” Please God, grant both Jackie and I the strength to fight this ordeal. Give me wisdom and strength to be the stronghold for my wife. Let your spirit and life dwell in Jackie as she fights off this outsider in her body. Amen.
Day 5
Today was a full day with my wife. God really answers prayers when you are down and distressed. I constantly remind myself not to bring up the Hodgkin’s disease too often in front of Jackie. Why do I need to remind her of something we have no control over? Tomorrow is her consultation with the doctor and then she is seeing the oncologist for staging. Our insurance application has been received, so we can only wait in the mean time. There is no point of constant repetition of what is uncontrollable.
I catch myself treating Jackie as a parent would treat a sick child. I want her to just rest and relax while I do the cooking, cleaning, and everything else. I notice that is just demeaning her self- confidence. Letting her be able to be independent and self-reliant helps her gain strength in herself and keeps her mind occupied. That is one thing I’m learning. The mind wanders when bored. If she is capable and not harming her then I should definitely let her do what she wants. I am my wife’s crutch. I will be there when she needs my support. Support can be given physically but also mentally.
Day 1 (11/28/09)
My anxiousness has been growing more and more each day ever since my wife, Jackie, started her diagnostic testing a month ago. I still remember that morning she pulled me aside and showed me the unusual swelling in her neck. As a member of the medical community, I would feel that I am more informed. The truth is far from that. I am just as clueless as any other person who has taken a general biology class. First it was the blood tests, then the chest x-ray, CT scan, thyroid panel, PET scan, and biopsy. It felt like a cascade of tests leading nowhere.
Today, the results were finally in after the biopsy sample has been at the lab for a week. The calm demeanor of Jackie’s face gave me faint hope for good news. I was hoping it was a small infection, which would be squashed my antibiotics. However, life always deals the toughest hands. When she told me the doctor said Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I was just stunned. I didn’t know what to say, act, or think.
I always thought myself to be a “glass half full” person, but the glass was definitely empty to the very last drop. I can’t believe my newlywed wife of 6 months has cancer!
Day 2
I don’t know how to cry! There a painful hurt inside my heart and every so often I feel my eyes water up. I don’t want to show emotion in front of Jackie, but deep inside I’m ready to just break down in tears. I just stare at my wife and want to love her with all my will. I don’t understand why this happened to her and not me. I wish there was some way to give her my health.
My whole work day was filled with somber. I am still trying to digest the news from yesterday, but soon my mind is flooded with the stress of insurance policies. How would I have known that a healthy 27 year old female would be any other insurance other than basic coverage? I have been scrambling all day to find a way to enroll into a better plan with greater benefits. How am I able to wait another thirty days before I know if she can be qualified for the policy? How can a new grad who owes 300k in debt not be considered for financial assistance?
I still don’t understand how Jackie remains so calm. She is so amazing. I just hate the fear I have of ever losing her. I know the prognosis for Hodgkin’s lymphoma is fairly good, but fairly good is not sufficient for someone I love. I fear the worst, and the worst keeps my fears constantly active.
My anxiousness has been growing more and more each day ever since my wife, Jackie, started her diagnostic testing a month ago. I still remember that morning she pulled me aside and showed me the unusual swelling in her neck. As a member of the medical community, I would feel that I am more informed. The truth is far from that. I am just as clueless as any other person who has taken a general biology class. First it was the blood tests, then the chest x-ray, CT scan, thyroid panel, PET scan, and biopsy. It felt like a cascade of tests leading nowhere.
Today, the results were finally in after the biopsy sample has been at the lab for a week. The calm demeanor of Jackie’s face gave me faint hope for good news. I was hoping it was a small infection, which would be squashed my antibiotics. However, life always deals the toughest hands. When she told me the doctor said Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I was just stunned. I didn’t know what to say, act, or think.
I always thought myself to be a “glass half full” person, but the glass was definitely empty to the very last drop. I can’t believe my newlywed wife of 6 months has cancer!
Day 2
I don’t know how to cry! There a painful hurt inside my heart and every so often I feel my eyes water up. I don’t want to show emotion in front of Jackie, but deep inside I’m ready to just break down in tears. I just stare at my wife and want to love her with all my will. I don’t understand why this happened to her and not me. I wish there was some way to give her my health.
My whole work day was filled with somber. I am still trying to digest the news from yesterday, but soon my mind is flooded with the stress of insurance policies. How would I have known that a healthy 27 year old female would be any other insurance other than basic coverage? I have been scrambling all day to find a way to enroll into a better plan with greater benefits. How am I able to wait another thirty days before I know if she can be qualified for the policy? How can a new grad who owes 300k in debt not be considered for financial assistance?
I still don’t understand how Jackie remains so calm. She is so amazing. I just hate the fear I have of ever losing her. I know the prognosis for Hodgkin’s lymphoma is fairly good, but fairly good is not sufficient for someone I love. I fear the worst, and the worst keeps my fears constantly active.
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