Day 140
Lately my world has been very down. I been very anxious about the end of chemotherapy and the beginning of something potentially worse. Summer is coming around and it gets hotter and hotter in this desert environment. My work is getting busier and busier. To top it all off, I have been sick for almost a week now. Today was the same story with a slight twist. Jackie had her radiation oncology appointment. This appointment was very important and many questions had to be answered. Jackie explained her experience as the best doctor she has ever had. She told me the office starts off with her 25 foot long indoor waterfall. At the end of the waterfall you were checked in and offerred snacks and drinks. The doctor was a very well knowledged woman who was confident in what she did. She explained that low dose radiation was deinitely the most advantageous to cure. She also was very sure that this new PET scan (not CT) was not going to show any signs of disease. She also was pretty certain she would miss most healthy tissue only possibly affecting the thyroid. She was a caring, informative doctor with great beside manners. Having Jackie enthusiastically explain her experience to me really made my day even a slight tear in my eyes. My afternnon work schedule stayed chaotic but nothing could have brought me down. So our plans are nothing for the next 2 weeks, then PET scan, and then radiation. Another upside note was that Jackie would be doing at most four weeks of radiation!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Day 136
I had to take a sick day off today. It was good for me to get some rest and have my body heal itself. I also got to see how chemo effects my wife the third day. She spends most of the morning lounging around due to the spouts of pain, altered taste from medication, and the icky feeling of chemo. Around noon time she eats and heads off to get her Neupogen shot. She comes home and usually lies down before I return around 5pm. I’m so glad this is her last one!Tomorrow she has a preconsultation with her radiation oncologist. It is more of a meet and greet then anything else. Radiation scares me. The biggest dilemna of Hodgkin’s is whether or not to radiate. The nurse oncologist told us that one of the lasrgest side effects is a sore throat. Some people have it so bad that they need a feeding tube in order to receive nourishment. I don’t want to picture my wife under a feeding tube. I hope the radiation oncologist has some happier news and a more positive outcome from treatment. The best news would be no radiation at all. Crossing fingers right now.
I had to take a sick day off today. It was good for me to get some rest and have my body heal itself. I also got to see how chemo effects my wife the third day. She spends most of the morning lounging around due to the spouts of pain, altered taste from medication, and the icky feeling of chemo. Around noon time she eats and heads off to get her Neupogen shot. She comes home and usually lies down before I return around 5pm. I’m so glad this is her last one!Tomorrow she has a preconsultation with her radiation oncologist. It is more of a meet and greet then anything else. Radiation scares me. The biggest dilemna of Hodgkin’s is whether or not to radiate. The nurse oncologist told us that one of the lasrgest side effects is a sore throat. Some people have it so bad that they need a feeding tube in order to receive nourishment. I don’t want to picture my wife under a feeding tube. I hope the radiation oncologist has some happier news and a more positive outcome from treatment. The best news would be no radiation at all. Crossing fingers right now.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Day 137-138
Since the beginning of our diagnosis I have tried so hard to keep our house germ free. We clean constantly, vacuum, and wash intently. Jackie’s temperature is taken after chemo and we make sure that she eats very well. Every sigh and movement is amplified to me. Both Jackie and I have gotten regular flu shots and H1N1 shots. Seven treatments down and no signs of infections or sickness. This last cycle was going the same way until I got sick! I thought it was allergies due to my sniffling nose, constant sneezing, and slightly itchy eyes. It is the beginning of spring time where new flowers are blooming, pollen is in the air, and grass is being reseeded. Well this weekend it has definitely escalated. I am having a runny nose, drowsiness, sneezing, and coughing. I tried so hard not to get sick during Jackie’s treatment, but I failed. I have been trying to avoid Jackie and volunteered to sleep in the other room. I make Jackie sit on the other side of the room. Jackie ends up taking care of me more than I am her.
So today Jackie was suffering from her routine side effects of day 2 chemo. She has a horrible taste in her mouth, stomach aches, and occasional nausea. I usually can help her out, but today I was entirely helpless. I could not taste anything, my temperature seems to fluctuate from hot to cold, and it was sore to move around. We ended up sitting on the couch for ¾ of the day and ¼ of the day in bed. Not the most exciting weekend. I feel that this is such a small ordeal for me and I should man up. Jackie needs me to be her husband, not a baby.
Since the beginning of our diagnosis I have tried so hard to keep our house germ free. We clean constantly, vacuum, and wash intently. Jackie’s temperature is taken after chemo and we make sure that she eats very well. Every sigh and movement is amplified to me. Both Jackie and I have gotten regular flu shots and H1N1 shots. Seven treatments down and no signs of infections or sickness. This last cycle was going the same way until I got sick! I thought it was allergies due to my sniffling nose, constant sneezing, and slightly itchy eyes. It is the beginning of spring time where new flowers are blooming, pollen is in the air, and grass is being reseeded. Well this weekend it has definitely escalated. I am having a runny nose, drowsiness, sneezing, and coughing. I tried so hard not to get sick during Jackie’s treatment, but I failed. I have been trying to avoid Jackie and volunteered to sleep in the other room. I make Jackie sit on the other side of the room. Jackie ends up taking care of me more than I am her.
So today Jackie was suffering from her routine side effects of day 2 chemo. She has a horrible taste in her mouth, stomach aches, and occasional nausea. I usually can help her out, but today I was entirely helpless. I could not taste anything, my temperature seems to fluctuate from hot to cold, and it was sore to move around. We ended up sitting on the couch for ¾ of the day and ¼ of the day in bed. Not the most exciting weekend. I feel that this is such a small ordeal for me and I should man up. Jackie needs me to be her husband, not a baby.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Day 136
Celebration time… wohoo!!!! Chemo is done and gone, forever? The festivities are not exactly what I expected. No emotional breakdowns, no hugging and farewells, no congratualatory cake. It was actually very quiet. Jackie walked in and had her needle placed in. She fell asleep and 2 hours later we went home. There was no celebration but more of a relief. After four months, eight grueling infusions, 136 days, countless aches and pains, my wife has finished. Each infusion just gets more difficult. There is no longer any hype about chemo, it is only another chore to get through. But my wife has endured and she is a true fighter.
The doctors and nurses are very impressed with Jackie having all her hair still. They stated that Adriamycin, nicknamed “Red Devil,” always causes all hair to fall out. Only Jackie and one other patient have kept there hair. My wife is a fighter and she can handle any obstacle. I guess we have only won the battle but not the war. The celebration for the battle does not start until next week when all her side effects from todays chemo goes away. Then… war time!
Celebration time… wohoo!!!! Chemo is done and gone, forever? The festivities are not exactly what I expected. No emotional breakdowns, no hugging and farewells, no congratualatory cake. It was actually very quiet. Jackie walked in and had her needle placed in. She fell asleep and 2 hours later we went home. There was no celebration but more of a relief. After four months, eight grueling infusions, 136 days, countless aches and pains, my wife has finished. Each infusion just gets more difficult. There is no longer any hype about chemo, it is only another chore to get through. But my wife has endured and she is a true fighter.
The doctors and nurses are very impressed with Jackie having all her hair still. They stated that Adriamycin, nicknamed “Red Devil,” always causes all hair to fall out. Only Jackie and one other patient have kept there hair. My wife is a fighter and she can handle any obstacle. I guess we have only won the battle but not the war. The celebration for the battle does not start until next week when all her side effects from todays chemo goes away. Then… war time!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Day 135
Today I was comforted by a good friend of mine. I have been worried much about Jackie’s next step in her fight. We have been referred to a radiation oncologist who graduated from UCLA and has become the medical director of the cancer center. However, our cancer center is local and has no prestigious reputation. My friend reassured me that radiation oncologist are the cream of the crop and graduating from UCLA is no small feat. She probably has no idea how much her words meant to me. I am always worried that Jackie is not with the correct doctors or the best qualified ones. To know that a good friend and the oncologist at Cedars Sinai can both agree that the local radiation oncology is just as qualified puts me as ease.
Tomorrow is the day. How will tomorrow be different from all those other visits? Will there be laughter or crying? It is very emotional and sensitive time. Jackie and I will both need each others shoulders for support.
Today I was comforted by a good friend of mine. I have been worried much about Jackie’s next step in her fight. We have been referred to a radiation oncologist who graduated from UCLA and has become the medical director of the cancer center. However, our cancer center is local and has no prestigious reputation. My friend reassured me that radiation oncologist are the cream of the crop and graduating from UCLA is no small feat. She probably has no idea how much her words meant to me. I am always worried that Jackie is not with the correct doctors or the best qualified ones. To know that a good friend and the oncologist at Cedars Sinai can both agree that the local radiation oncology is just as qualified puts me as ease.
Tomorrow is the day. How will tomorrow be different from all those other visits? Will there be laughter or crying? It is very emotional and sensitive time. Jackie and I will both need each others shoulders for support.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Day 133-134
Why am I not excited about Jackie finishing up chemo? I am just getting more anxious as Friday comes closer and closer. Chemo has been a part of our lives. Every other Friday we grab the blanket at noon time and head off to the oncology office. For the last four months we have been regulars at the office. Jackie has gotten to know the staff very well. The nurses knew exactly how Jackie would try to stay awake for 30 minutes but end up falling asleep for 2 hours. She would wake up drowsy and I would drive her home where we would drink lots of water and watch endless movies. That was life. What happens next?
Jackie had her final appointment with the oncologist. I was hoping he would slowly let go of our hands and guide us slowly into our next transition. We were curious on how soon our next scans would be, if it was possible to skip the radiation due to a recent study, or if we could get a second opinon for radiation at Cedars Sinai. It feels like we are back at day 1. We are lost once again with only faint hints to get us through this ordeal. The oncologist only told us that he will schedule an appointment with the radiation oncologist, where she will order scan and a referral to Cedars Sinai. He said the radiation oncologist will decide how to proceed with treatment and then said he’ll see Jackie in a month.
Jackie has been passed on. He has deferred Jackie’s treatment onto someone else. We are no longer on the same team, but got traded onto another. I’m not sure if this is normal protocol but I do feel betrayed. I am understanding real life more and more. There are no longer parents or teachers to hold your hand, but everything is business. Once one’s responsibility is done then you are passed on. Our team only consists of Jackie and I.
Why am I not excited about Jackie finishing up chemo? I am just getting more anxious as Friday comes closer and closer. Chemo has been a part of our lives. Every other Friday we grab the blanket at noon time and head off to the oncology office. For the last four months we have been regulars at the office. Jackie has gotten to know the staff very well. The nurses knew exactly how Jackie would try to stay awake for 30 minutes but end up falling asleep for 2 hours. She would wake up drowsy and I would drive her home where we would drink lots of water and watch endless movies. That was life. What happens next?
Jackie had her final appointment with the oncologist. I was hoping he would slowly let go of our hands and guide us slowly into our next transition. We were curious on how soon our next scans would be, if it was possible to skip the radiation due to a recent study, or if we could get a second opinon for radiation at Cedars Sinai. It feels like we are back at day 1. We are lost once again with only faint hints to get us through this ordeal. The oncologist only told us that he will schedule an appointment with the radiation oncologist, where she will order scan and a referral to Cedars Sinai. He said the radiation oncologist will decide how to proceed with treatment and then said he’ll see Jackie in a month.
Jackie has been passed on. He has deferred Jackie’s treatment onto someone else. We are no longer on the same team, but got traded onto another. I’m not sure if this is normal protocol but I do feel betrayed. I am understanding real life more and more. There are no longer parents or teachers to hold your hand, but everything is business. Once one’s responsibility is done then you are passed on. Our team only consists of Jackie and I.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Day 129-132
Lask week of chemo has finally started. The light at the end of the tunnel is in view now. Tomorrow is the blood test, Wednesday is the meeting to discuss our nest step, and Friday is the last infusion. The post chemo nerves are hitting. What if the chemo didn’t work? If the new scan shows no signs of lymphoma, do we really need radiation? How long do we have to wait before radiation? By default most people including me seem to think negatively. I try to convince myself of the positive. I figure if I think the worse nothing can catch me by surprise. I have been praying espescially hard this last week, hoping that God would perform a miraculous touch.
Jackie seems so happy lately. This weekend we went back home to celebrate her mother’s birthday. We helped rearrange furniture in the house. There were around twenty family members there. She planned out the event, arranged the food, and made sure everyone had a good time. She is definitely such a giver. She works so hard towards her family and I. She always thinks about other. I just wish I could giver her more. I wish I could perform a miracle… find a cure… something…
Lask week of chemo has finally started. The light at the end of the tunnel is in view now. Tomorrow is the blood test, Wednesday is the meeting to discuss our nest step, and Friday is the last infusion. The post chemo nerves are hitting. What if the chemo didn’t work? If the new scan shows no signs of lymphoma, do we really need radiation? How long do we have to wait before radiation? By default most people including me seem to think negatively. I try to convince myself of the positive. I figure if I think the worse nothing can catch me by surprise. I have been praying espescially hard this last week, hoping that God would perform a miraculous touch.
Jackie seems so happy lately. This weekend we went back home to celebrate her mother’s birthday. We helped rearrange furniture in the house. There were around twenty family members there. She planned out the event, arranged the food, and made sure everyone had a good time. She is definitely such a giver. She works so hard towards her family and I. She always thinks about other. I just wish I could giver her more. I wish I could perform a miracle… find a cure… something…
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Day 128
Jackie and I had a wonderful date night. She has spent the last three days working hard just to make sure our lives stay comfortable. The treatment has definitely made her lose some of her endurance and strength. She become tired more easily. Her hair has not fallen out yet, but does thin out slightly. Jackie has always been a hard worker with good work ethics. Yesterday she came home tired and restless. She had sore shoulders and felt bone pain. This has been the first time since the last three cycles that Neupogen has affected her. Luckily a good night’s rest did alleviate some of her pain. I watch her carefully when she is with me. Everytime she sighs and awkwardly arches he shoulders signals something is wrong. I don’t know what to do to help her out. I’m so helpless.
Tonight however I made dinner and we went to the tennis gardens to watch Rafael Nadal in action. What an enjoyable event with plenty of action. God blesses both Jackie and I. Somehow He is always able to provide us relief from stressful times. Jackie is hanging in there and this weekend we will be going back home. Next week is her final treatment. We will be counting down.
Jackie and I had a wonderful date night. She has spent the last three days working hard just to make sure our lives stay comfortable. The treatment has definitely made her lose some of her endurance and strength. She become tired more easily. Her hair has not fallen out yet, but does thin out slightly. Jackie has always been a hard worker with good work ethics. Yesterday she came home tired and restless. She had sore shoulders and felt bone pain. This has been the first time since the last three cycles that Neupogen has affected her. Luckily a good night’s rest did alleviate some of her pain. I watch her carefully when she is with me. Everytime she sighs and awkwardly arches he shoulders signals something is wrong. I don’t know what to do to help her out. I’m so helpless.
Tonight however I made dinner and we went to the tennis gardens to watch Rafael Nadal in action. What an enjoyable event with plenty of action. God blesses both Jackie and I. Somehow He is always able to provide us relief from stressful times. Jackie is hanging in there and this weekend we will be going back home. Next week is her final treatment. We will be counting down.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Day 125-127
Lately I have felt very uninspired to write. Are human beings just a creature of habit? I wake up, drive to work, work, lunch, work, drive home, dinner, tv, and sleep. Jackies treatment goes steadily with chemo on Friday followed by a weekend of being uncomfortable, then five shots of Neupogen, and we wait until Friday again. I’m not sure what else to expect, because she is doing great. In less than two months we will be celebrating our one year anniversary. In the beginning things kicked off with a bang and then Hodgkin’s came along and it definitely has been a long test. It has mostly been a test of patience. Treatment lasts from anywhere between half a year to a year. We are not allowed to go on vacation, go to public events, have certain foods, and so on. These restrictions keep you pretty well confined in a specific area for awhile. Luckily modern technology has made it easier to enjoy entertainment, communicate with family and friends, and pass time. Life should be spontaneous, exciting, and unpredictable. That is what Jackie and I miss the most.
On a lighter note, we have finally earned a response back from one of the many charities that we applied to. I was certain that we would be denied because apparently our salary is too high. I don’t unerstand why my net worth is in the negatives but I don’t t qualify for anything. To my surprise though they have afforded to pay a portion of certain bills. I feel very fortunate to have found such a great organization. Thank you Lymphoma research foundation. Your generosity is greatly appreciated and will be reciprocated.
Lately I have felt very uninspired to write. Are human beings just a creature of habit? I wake up, drive to work, work, lunch, work, drive home, dinner, tv, and sleep. Jackies treatment goes steadily with chemo on Friday followed by a weekend of being uncomfortable, then five shots of Neupogen, and we wait until Friday again. I’m not sure what else to expect, because she is doing great. In less than two months we will be celebrating our one year anniversary. In the beginning things kicked off with a bang and then Hodgkin’s came along and it definitely has been a long test. It has mostly been a test of patience. Treatment lasts from anywhere between half a year to a year. We are not allowed to go on vacation, go to public events, have certain foods, and so on. These restrictions keep you pretty well confined in a specific area for awhile. Luckily modern technology has made it easier to enjoy entertainment, communicate with family and friends, and pass time. Life should be spontaneous, exciting, and unpredictable. That is what Jackie and I miss the most.
On a lighter note, we have finally earned a response back from one of the many charities that we applied to. I was certain that we would be denied because apparently our salary is too high. I don’t unerstand why my net worth is in the negatives but I don’t t qualify for anything. To my surprise though they have afforded to pay a portion of certain bills. I feel very fortunate to have found such a great organization. Thank you Lymphoma research foundation. Your generosity is greatly appreciated and will be reciprocated.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Day 124
Today is recovery from a whole day of fun yesterday. Yesterday we spent the whole day outside socializing, eating, and enjoying life’s finer things. Today we rested. Jackie seemed a lot more tired and preoccupied by chemo compared to yesterday. We decided to stay in the house all day. Thank God for satellite television. There are always plenty of mindless shows that can burn time. Jackie has been drinking lots and lots of water. Everytime she feels something is going wrong, a glass of water seems to help. I feel that she is handling chemo so much easier now compared to day1.
Jackie also got a nice surprise visit from her brother. He happened to be in this area, so we did have time to grab dinner and enjoy family time. I know this means so much to her. It is always the simple parts of life that we remember.
This week is going to be the same routine. Five shots of neupogen, a little bit of working, and enjoying life.
Today is recovery from a whole day of fun yesterday. Yesterday we spent the whole day outside socializing, eating, and enjoying life’s finer things. Today we rested. Jackie seemed a lot more tired and preoccupied by chemo compared to yesterday. We decided to stay in the house all day. Thank God for satellite television. There are always plenty of mindless shows that can burn time. Jackie has been drinking lots and lots of water. Everytime she feels something is going wrong, a glass of water seems to help. I feel that she is handling chemo so much easier now compared to day1.
Jackie also got a nice surprise visit from her brother. He happened to be in this area, so we did have time to grab dinner and enjoy family time. I know this means so much to her. It is always the simple parts of life that we remember.
This week is going to be the same routine. Five shots of neupogen, a little bit of working, and enjoying life.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Day 121-123
Chemo #7 is gone. This infusion flew by. I felt that we went in and took a nap and came right out. I guess we are getting better at it, if there is such a thing. Just one more to go! Two more weeks! Jackie and I had these great tickets to a large tennis tournament this weekend. We were so enthusiastic about going to this even ever since we went last year. I was worried that Jackie would be feeling nauseous or have stomach upsets and wouldn’t be able to make this event. We were going to take it day by day. I woke up this morning and Jackie was wide and awake. She drank and drank many cups of water to flush out the toxins. We ended up going to the event with suite seating. We stayed for five hours before I got tired and wanted to leave. It was such a great day. We had a blast with many memories ti back it up.
Tomorrow is going to be a day of relaxation. It is time to sleep in and enjoy time alone at home. Jackie will be prepping herself for her last cycle of chemo. Maybe it is time for a vacation after all this treatment. We will take this day by day like we have for the past four months. Almost there!
Chemo #7 is gone. This infusion flew by. I felt that we went in and took a nap and came right out. I guess we are getting better at it, if there is such a thing. Just one more to go! Two more weeks! Jackie and I had these great tickets to a large tennis tournament this weekend. We were so enthusiastic about going to this even ever since we went last year. I was worried that Jackie would be feeling nauseous or have stomach upsets and wouldn’t be able to make this event. We were going to take it day by day. I woke up this morning and Jackie was wide and awake. She drank and drank many cups of water to flush out the toxins. We ended up going to the event with suite seating. We stayed for five hours before I got tired and wanted to leave. It was such a great day. We had a blast with many memories ti back it up.
Tomorrow is going to be a day of relaxation. It is time to sleep in and enjoy time alone at home. Jackie will be prepping herself for her last cycle of chemo. Maybe it is time for a vacation after all this treatment. We will take this day by day like we have for the past four months. Almost there!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Day 121
Things have been going very smoothly these days. Jackie has chemo #7 coming up the end of this week. She has been gaining her strength each day. Her hair is actually growing to the point where she is needing a haircut. She works 2-3 days a week and has full energy to cook a delicious dinner. Everything is going the way it is planned. Now if all is well, Jackie should be done with chemo in 3 weeks and move on to radiation planning. Radiation can last anywhere from 3-5 weeks. It is a M-F job with the weekend to recuperate. The most stressful time of radiation will be the planning and execution of the process. In today’s modern world the doctor’s can use many different CT and PET scan to determine the size, depth, and shape of the residual mass. The plan of attack is to wipe out any cancer cells left with the minimum amount of long term side effects. But before all this can be done Jackie needs a scan to determine how much the chemo effected the lymphoma. I am counting the days to find out her progress from these last 4 months.
Things have been going very smoothly these days. Jackie has chemo #7 coming up the end of this week. She has been gaining her strength each day. Her hair is actually growing to the point where she is needing a haircut. She works 2-3 days a week and has full energy to cook a delicious dinner. Everything is going the way it is planned. Now if all is well, Jackie should be done with chemo in 3 weeks and move on to radiation planning. Radiation can last anywhere from 3-5 weeks. It is a M-F job with the weekend to recuperate. The most stressful time of radiation will be the planning and execution of the process. In today’s modern world the doctor’s can use many different CT and PET scan to determine the size, depth, and shape of the residual mass. The plan of attack is to wipe out any cancer cells left with the minimum amount of long term side effects. But before all this can be done Jackie needs a scan to determine how much the chemo effected the lymphoma. I am counting the days to find out her progress from these last 4 months.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Day 120
We are definitely holding up very well. Our marriage has never been stronger. We constantly look out for each other as if each step was a decision maker. Jackie takes care of me very well. She loves me and always looks out for my well-being. Yesterday I was accidentally choked on some water and she rushed over to me to make sure I was alright. It is all about the small things in a marriage that add up. A relationship is not about who can out buy the other in gifts. It is about understanding your partner’s needs. I am not sure how to be a husband and definitely not an expert on relationship building. However, I think I would be able to author my marriage as long as I have my wife co-author. Love is no longer about self, but it is selfless.
We are definitely holding up very well. Our marriage has never been stronger. We constantly look out for each other as if each step was a decision maker. Jackie takes care of me very well. She loves me and always looks out for my well-being. Yesterday I was accidentally choked on some water and she rushed over to me to make sure I was alright. It is all about the small things in a marriage that add up. A relationship is not about who can out buy the other in gifts. It is about understanding your partner’s needs. I am not sure how to be a husband and definitely not an expert on relationship building. However, I think I would be able to author my marriage as long as I have my wife co-author. Love is no longer about self, but it is selfless.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Day 117-119
Jackie has been sufferring less bone pain now that she takes a lower dosage of Neupogen. After her 5 consecutive days of shots she still end up going to work. This weekend has also been extremely enjoyable. We were able to enjoy good quality time with each other doing the things we love. We went to a movie, enjoyed food, and hung out with friends. Jackie and I are trying very hard to move along with our lives according to plan with just an extra step due to Hodgkin’s. Our plans include moving out of our current area, finding a new job, and buying a house. The tough part about our plans have to do with our current economical crisis. Jobs are scarce, espescially those that are full time with health benefits. Health benefits are a number one priority now. No benefits equals no moving for us.
For those that read my wife’s side of the story, she has provided a monetary synopsis of all her pre-chemo treatment expenses. Doctors, hospitals, and staff can charge whatever they want for procedures. There are no set rules or caps on procedures listed by the government. One hospital can charge $700 for a CT scan while the hospital on the other side of town can charge $3000. Jackie’s pre-chemo fees were a total of $69,311. The insurance company has a contracted fee with the hospital for procedures. The total amounts after using the contracted fees for procedures were $24,069.
There difference between having insurance and a cash patient is a three times difference. I can bet every other country with universal health care is just mocking our country. How can this great nation allow these types situations happen. I would have declared bankruptcy before Jackie even started chemo if we didn’t have insurance.
Jackie has been sufferring less bone pain now that she takes a lower dosage of Neupogen. After her 5 consecutive days of shots she still end up going to work. This weekend has also been extremely enjoyable. We were able to enjoy good quality time with each other doing the things we love. We went to a movie, enjoyed food, and hung out with friends. Jackie and I are trying very hard to move along with our lives according to plan with just an extra step due to Hodgkin’s. Our plans include moving out of our current area, finding a new job, and buying a house. The tough part about our plans have to do with our current economical crisis. Jobs are scarce, espescially those that are full time with health benefits. Health benefits are a number one priority now. No benefits equals no moving for us.
For those that read my wife’s side of the story, she has provided a monetary synopsis of all her pre-chemo treatment expenses. Doctors, hospitals, and staff can charge whatever they want for procedures. There are no set rules or caps on procedures listed by the government. One hospital can charge $700 for a CT scan while the hospital on the other side of town can charge $3000. Jackie’s pre-chemo fees were a total of $69,311. The insurance company has a contracted fee with the hospital for procedures. The total amounts after using the contracted fees for procedures were $24,069.
There difference between having insurance and a cash patient is a three times difference. I can bet every other country with universal health care is just mocking our country. How can this great nation allow these types situations happen. I would have declared bankruptcy before Jackie even started chemo if we didn’t have insurance.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Day 116
Jackie says I am too much of an idealist. I have been saying a lot without thinking twice that I wish things were different. I wish my job was better, I wish that we were in a different location, and I wish this never happened to Jackie and me. I am always trying to plan when how long it will take until her treatment is complete so we can move on with our lives. I like to make sure the rest of our lives together without Hodgkin’s can pick up from where we began. I just wanted our old lives back, our plans back, and the bright future ahead of us back.
I was definitely hit with a dose of reality that all my thoughts and intentions actually may be some sort of denial. I may not be confronting Hodgkin’s realistically and hoping that this part of our lives will be a lost memory. I guess I am not facing the fact that all this is part of my life. All that we are going through is our marriage story. This is life and it is not perfect. This is our life and new chapters will be introduced whether they are ideal or not.
I really have done all this so unconsciously. The last four months of my life I wish would be erased from my memory until todays ephiphany. I really have a lot of growing up today.
Jackie says I am too much of an idealist. I have been saying a lot without thinking twice that I wish things were different. I wish my job was better, I wish that we were in a different location, and I wish this never happened to Jackie and me. I am always trying to plan when how long it will take until her treatment is complete so we can move on with our lives. I like to make sure the rest of our lives together without Hodgkin’s can pick up from where we began. I just wanted our old lives back, our plans back, and the bright future ahead of us back.
I was definitely hit with a dose of reality that all my thoughts and intentions actually may be some sort of denial. I may not be confronting Hodgkin’s realistically and hoping that this part of our lives will be a lost memory. I guess I am not facing the fact that all this is part of my life. All that we are going through is our marriage story. This is life and it is not perfect. This is our life and new chapters will be introduced whether they are ideal or not.
I really have done all this so unconsciously. The last four months of my life I wish would be erased from my memory until todays ephiphany. I really have a lot of growing up today.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Day 114-115
Today I spent the morning calling City of Hope, Blue Shield, and my HMO group. I found the extension number of the financial advisor at City of Hope and gave her a call. She picked up with a confused voice. I told her that my wife had a diagnosis and was wondering if my insurace would cover services. Before I finished the word services she rudely interrupted saying I have to call new patient services. I apolegitically said I did not know and I guess she felt bad for her rudeness, she decided to transfer me. I jotted down the extension and waited for my transfer to voicemail. “Thank you for callin City of Hope new patient services, we are open 8-5 Monday thru Friday. If you are getting this message we are currently assisting others.” Ten minutes later I called, my repsonse “If you are getting this message we are currently assisting other.” Ten minutes after…they are still goofing around.
I called Blue Shield to ask if I was covered for City of Hope. I think Blue Shielf may have trasferred customer service overseas. I told her I am wondering if I was covered to go to City of Hope. The representative asks me what country is that in. She did tell me that I have to contact my HMO group and if that did not work I can write an appeal that will take at least 30 days to respond.
I was very hesitant to call my HMO group, because I was yelled at a few months ago for asking why my wife was denied to receive care at City of Hope. I called in and a very nice representative picked up. She expalined to me everything about City of Hope not being contracted and I can try an appeal but shes never seen it work. In conclusion, I wasted my whole morning!
To top it off I found out my old HMO group whom I volunteered to change was contracted with City of Hope. We changed to this new group because our current oncologist is in network. I can never beat the system. When I finally relieved myself the stress of finding Jackie proper health insurance after 2 months of insanity, I find myself still under the wrong policy. Jackie says at least we have insurance and doctors who are trained. Luckily, City of Hope isn’t the only cure for cancer.
Today I spent the morning calling City of Hope, Blue Shield, and my HMO group. I found the extension number of the financial advisor at City of Hope and gave her a call. She picked up with a confused voice. I told her that my wife had a diagnosis and was wondering if my insurace would cover services. Before I finished the word services she rudely interrupted saying I have to call new patient services. I apolegitically said I did not know and I guess she felt bad for her rudeness, she decided to transfer me. I jotted down the extension and waited for my transfer to voicemail. “Thank you for callin City of Hope new patient services, we are open 8-5 Monday thru Friday. If you are getting this message we are currently assisting others.” Ten minutes later I called, my repsonse “If you are getting this message we are currently assisting other.” Ten minutes after…they are still goofing around.
I called Blue Shield to ask if I was covered for City of Hope. I think Blue Shielf may have trasferred customer service overseas. I told her I am wondering if I was covered to go to City of Hope. The representative asks me what country is that in. She did tell me that I have to contact my HMO group and if that did not work I can write an appeal that will take at least 30 days to respond.
I was very hesitant to call my HMO group, because I was yelled at a few months ago for asking why my wife was denied to receive care at City of Hope. I called in and a very nice representative picked up. She expalined to me everything about City of Hope not being contracted and I can try an appeal but shes never seen it work. In conclusion, I wasted my whole morning!
To top it off I found out my old HMO group whom I volunteered to change was contracted with City of Hope. We changed to this new group because our current oncologist is in network. I can never beat the system. When I finally relieved myself the stress of finding Jackie proper health insurance after 2 months of insanity, I find myself still under the wrong policy. Jackie says at least we have insurance and doctors who are trained. Luckily, City of Hope isn’t the only cure for cancer.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Day 113
Do you ever wake up and realize everything that had happened was luckily only a dream. I am a pretty light sleeper and usually remember most of my dreams. There were many instances where I would be so sad because someone died, scared because I didn’t want to get hurt, or nervous because I didn’t finish an assignment. I could play each feeling and step I went through frame by frame. However, my scapegoat was that I would always wake up. That was how I felt the first few weeks Jackie was diagnosed. Every morning I would wake up hoping that all that happened was just a bad dream. My mind would trick myself into thinking that this lymphoma was fictional. Then I would roll over in bed and see the scar on my wife and all hope of normality would dissapate.
That only lasted a week or two until I learned to accept what was happening. Now that reality has settle in I still feel like I’m dreaming. Except my dreams this time are opposite. Jackie and I are engulfed in this world of Hodgkin’s and the future is always a arm’s stretch away. We dream of starting a family, having a stable career, settling down, and home ownership are so close we can touch it. Everything seems so realistic and simple, but we have to wait until Jackie has gone into remission. The time passes by slowly as we continue to dream. Hopefully when we wake up, all that will still be there.
Do you ever wake up and realize everything that had happened was luckily only a dream. I am a pretty light sleeper and usually remember most of my dreams. There were many instances where I would be so sad because someone died, scared because I didn’t want to get hurt, or nervous because I didn’t finish an assignment. I could play each feeling and step I went through frame by frame. However, my scapegoat was that I would always wake up. That was how I felt the first few weeks Jackie was diagnosed. Every morning I would wake up hoping that all that happened was just a bad dream. My mind would trick myself into thinking that this lymphoma was fictional. Then I would roll over in bed and see the scar on my wife and all hope of normality would dissapate.
That only lasted a week or two until I learned to accept what was happening. Now that reality has settle in I still feel like I’m dreaming. Except my dreams this time are opposite. Jackie and I are engulfed in this world of Hodgkin’s and the future is always a arm’s stretch away. We dream of starting a family, having a stable career, settling down, and home ownership are so close we can touch it. Everything seems so realistic and simple, but we have to wait until Jackie has gone into remission. The time passes by slowly as we continue to dream. Hopefully when we wake up, all that will still be there.
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