Day 75-77
It is so hard to decide when Jackie and I can go out or when it is too risky. Jackie was told that she needed to avoid most public places due to the risk of infections. She has been locked up in this house for the last week, and I can tell boredom is really getting to her. I am trying to find places to go and things to do, but each idea is usually shot down due to germs. I seemed to have gained a sixth sense towards germs. I have been sensitive to a stranger’s cough or even clearing of throat. We have been careful about even going to places like restaurants and church because of the amount of public exposure. I know she can’t stay at homes for the next four months though.
Jackie has been having very good blood counts recently after her neupogen. My mind is more at ease when she is not neutropenic. Yesterday, I finally buckled and we decided to go out for a nice outing and dinner. We spent the day going up a tram into the mountains to see the freshly fallen snow. There was an hour wait with a bunch others and we were crammed into a small tram. On one side of the tram there was an open window with wind blowing in and on the other were people breathing on you. I would wrap myself around Jackie as if I had the ability to protect her from all the bacteria circulating in the air. At dinner, we sat next to people smoking and it just irritated me that there is no human decency around anymore. I’m so glad we were able to move seats or we would have probably left.
I am glad Jackie had a good time and I know she definitely needed the air. I know she understands why I often hesitate to take her out and do many of the things we use to do outside. I come to this obsessive ritual of trying to vanquish germs around her. I take vitamin C to make sure I don’t get sick and infect her. This germ phobia has become a part of me.