Day 54-55
Chemo #2 has been going very well; Jackie hasn’t been struggling with any problems. She has been staying at home everyday trying to avoid sun exposure. Everyday it is just watching TV, cooking, and sleeping. I hope she can do more soon, but its better not to take any risks.
This new years was very uneventful. It was low key with just Jackie, her mother and I. The atmosphere seems a lot more unenthusiastic when a family member is under treatment. I cannot say I have too many new years’ resolutions so far. My obvious resolution is to support and care for Jackie and she recover.
As for myself, stress is getting to me. I am very lackluster and troubled. I can’t figure myself out whether I am stressed out or just not being realistic. I feel that I am pressured by work, care giving for Jackie, and trying to deal with the stress that comes from family. I have not been able to explain or express myself to anyone since this whole ordeal started. I felt that I was mentally ready to handle all of it. The more I denied myself help, the more exacerbated my stress began. Today, I think I had a slight break down. My wife is not only a strong character inside but also a great spouse. She is able to help me share myself and express my stresses. I felt all alone and lost at first, but I guess I have to learn how to open up. I learned that is not unmanly to ask for help when needed. If is more self destroying to keep stress stored up internally.