Day 111-112
The news this past week has been all about our president wanting a country that is bipartasan. Our country is basically run by two different parties that are suppose to make decisions for the well being of the country together. Having two different political parties with two different ideals and values make it difficult to become one united country.
Jackie and my life these past few months have been split. We have two lives, one is called “on week” and the other is “off week.” On week are those weeks which Jackie has chemo treatments. Usually it starts on a Friday where she sits three hours hooked up to an IV. She spends the weekend on the couch or in front of the computer. On a scale of 1-10 she is usually around a 4. There are bouts of stomach upsets, bloating, fatigue, nausea, and vomitting. Some can be taken care of easily with Zofran and others just have to be fought through. I spend the weekend quietly at home watching my wife. Every sigh she makes or spasm in her movement alerts my attention. We never go out this weekend because nauseasness may be exacerbated by any car ride. I tend to try and cook her delicious food which she is only able to take down less than 50% of what her normal intake is. Her taste is altered by the medications and life savors have been her choice of flavor to counteract any altered senses. The week continues with 5 consecutive shots of Neupogen and bone pain that feels like she is about to grow a foot taller tomorrow.
Off week is more of a norm to us. Jackie can work, exercise, eat, and visit friends and family. Her apetite in reintroduced and so is her energy level. We can spend the week watching movie, playing tennis, and eating ice cream. My life is a lot more relaxed because I worry less about her physical and mental atitude. However off week always seems to be a lot faster than on week.
One more month to go and then radiation. There is always a sense of anxiousness because we are so close, at least I think. Hopefully our lives will soon meld into one identity. Jackie and I can continue our nomal lives that were left behind in November 2009 and look forward to our marriage in the future.

Day 109-110
Jackie had chemo #6 today. She is doing very well and of course she ended up sleeping through the whole even. Her stomach seems to be slightly upset and she is still groggy from the Benadryl. Her appetite seems to be a little suppressed do the upset feeling in her stomach. I’m not too worried because I know how strong she is to be able to overcome the effects of chemo. Just one more cycle left! Hopefully her final CT scan shows complete disappearance of the lymphoma.
Lately Jackie and I have been talking about insurances. The biggest news these days has to do with Anthem Blue Cross, owned by Wellpoint Insurance Co, raising their insurance premiums by 39%. They raised rates last year as well. President Barack Obama, who is trying to pass a health insurance policy, is extremely angry at this insurance company raising rates while unemployment and uninsured Americans are at record highs. The president of Wellpoint, Angela Braly, showed up on capital hill to justify such rate hikes. Her justifications testified that “rising healthcare costs and the underpayment by government programs forced the company to raise premiums.” She also stated that due to the current recession healthy people or cancelling their policies so not enough money is being generated to support those who actually use their insurance policies. Representative Jan Schakowsky, a Democrat from Illinois asked the president how much money do you make. Her response was “my salary is $1.1 million. I receive stock compensation with a value of $8.5 million and last year an incentive payment of $73,000,".
This is how the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. When America is sufferring, these people are still making money. When will all this selfish atitude from CEO’s, politicians, and our country subside? When will the USA actually live up to its name of being united?

Day 108
How do I contain a ball of energy that is harnessed inside my wife? Why does God let someone so young, active, and healthy have to endure such a long and humbling event? Hodgkin’s treatment seems to be never-ending. The weeks between treatments take the longest. For someone who is constantly on the go and active, this is the one treatment which turns her life 180 degrees. Is this a lesson from above? Is God trying to tell Jackie she needs to slow her life down and focus on other matters that she has been avoiding? Is God asking me to show a kind of love that I have not fathomed. God may also be teaching me to endure and sustain through situations which are bleak and gray. I do think a lot about why all this has happened. How does this affect me and my marriage? Is 8 months of marriage along with four years of dating enough adhesive to keep Jackie and I going? So far, I am only finding more and more strength as I watch my wife get stronger and stronger.
Jackie is definitely doing very well though. She is meeting with her doctor for their biweekly meetings before chemo. Chemo #6 is this Friday and then hopefully, with fingers crossed, just one more cycle. What I wonder the most is how she is responding to treatment. We won’t knot until end of March. Fingers crossed everyone!!

Day 107
My thoughts change everyday. I think I have been reading too many forums about Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. The majority of posts on the forum are negative. According to those members the cured Hodgkin’s patients usually do not return to the forum to post. The forum is mostly for currently patients who need a place to vent and need advice. I tend to read every single symptoms, relapse event, and plan of treatment attentively. Every time I read about someone recommending Neulasta over Nuepogen or having 6 cycles instead of 4 cycles, it gets my head thinking. I start thinking if Jackie is heading the correct route. I start thinking if Jackie should have gone somewhere else for treatment. I start thinking when God is going to let me have my new wife back in good health.
Jackie is definitely more optimistic than me. No matter how involved or how much I want to be involved with her treatments, I will never understand it the way she does. I believe your body is able to tell you what it needs and feels. Jackie always tells me she knows her mass has shrunk. Yesterday she told me that the lymphoma is gone already. I believe in her entirely and I know that her body is healed. There are many things about our health and mind that is incomprehensible. Jackie is definitely going to prove this to me.

Day 106
When does having cancer automatically enroll you into being the recipient of the “pity” card? As a caregiver I do not want others to feel sorry for me or give charity to me. I especially don’t like when people say Jackie is restricted from certain activities because she is sick. My wife is perfectly fine. She runs an hour a day, works, cooks, and reads just like everyone else. In fact, she is telling me that her exercising is getting longer and longer as days pass. To me she does not seem sick and I am sure she won’t be getting her handicap parking pass any time. I know there are others who live off sympathy. Some hope to get a free meal by having others feel sorry for them. I know for sure that is not what we need.
Instead of pity what we really need is care. So many people have shown us love through physical, emotional, and spiritual levels. I feel so blessed having so many people always praying for us. We’re so blessed to have others that will share a phone call with us. I love the fact that this event has brought friends and family closer with each other. It has brought my relationship with my wife to another level. It has shown me new goals that I would like to achieve in my life. Hodgkin’s Lymphoma has brought out a new me, one that is more mature and compassionate for life. So don’t be sad that I am facing these hardships or Jackie is going through her 5th infusion treatment. Learn from this experience to better enrich yourselves and others who may be in similar scenarios such as my wife and I.

Day 103-105
Jackie and I find that Hodgkin’s has not affected our lives at all. She went to work this Saturday and we spent the next day shopping and eating. It is definitely lots of fun to have this time together with my wife. Our life has not been changed much. There are definitely no limits to what my wife can do. However there are two scars on her body that may be around to constantly remind us of her experience. We call these lymphoma scars. She has a scar on her neck from the lymph node biopsy and then one on her chest from her port placement. These scars will gradually fade more and more over time. In no way do they make my wife less beautiful. These scars remind me constantly how precious she is to me and how much I want to care for her more each day. I remember when she first had the scars how scared she was of them leaving large marks. I would kiss her scars as if I had some way of miraculously healing them. In the end though, these scars whether faded or not, make my wife who she is. I have heard from lymphoma patients that these scars are a bond between each other. I hope that others who are undergoing similar situations can find hope and strength through how brave Jackie is and well she handles everything.

Day 102
One more day until the weekend! I can’t wait to sleep in, watch tv, and relax. I can’t wait to spend a whole day with Jackie. No more waking up early and just sitting at home the whole day. We’re going to have fun, enjoy yummy food, and live life. Jackie does have to work one day, but I think I can handle a day of solitude also.
Jackie has one more day of Neupogen. She had blood drawn today as well. She spent the day making cookies and trying new recipes. I am getting the better end of her treatment. I go to work in a great mood. I come home to have lunch prepared for me. My lunch was prepared and tasted very professional. I come home from my day of work to a smiling face. I relax for a few hours while we joke around and then I have dinner made for me. I also have fresh cookies and cheesecake made every so often as well. How lucky can one man get!