Day 186-191
The days have gone by extremely fast. Jackie has been working more days now, and I am keeping busy with my own activities. There has really been no talk, appointments, or bills relating to Hodgkin’s. Jackie had a few days of a slight sore throat and maybe redness of the skin due to radiation. It hasn’t really bothered her too much and it is basically gone now. Back to normal. We are getting life back on track. Hopefully we will be taking that long awaited honeymoon also that she so deserves. We are looking for a new place to work, but every road encountered always leads to insurance issues. I’m not ready to give up this sense of health security after everything we went through. The reality of living in the United States constantly reminds me of the truth in this country. We are one of the richest and one of the powerful, if not the most powerful, county on earth. Yet our citizens cannot see a doctor if they are sick. Even two young individuals who work in the health profession treating other people’s problems worry about not being able to treat their own. This country needs to sit back and rethink. How can one feel pride in their country and show love to their nation when the country cannot even protect them when needed?

Day 183-185
The next step. What is the next step now that Jackie has finished her chemotherapy and radiation? There is no strict protocol on what to do next. We want to move on with our lives. We want to move out of this place in the desert which has both saved us and held us captive. We are refusing to budge unless one of us finds full health benefits to cover ourselves. I am not ready to go through another crazy insurance ordeal again.
There are so many options. Jackie will need another surgery to remove her mediport. Like I mentioned earlier, there is no set time to remove the device. I know she is ready to remove it though. Secondly, Jackie will need another PET scan anywhere between 2-6 months to make sure everything is clean. Jackie’s oncologist insists on us having the scan done in the same room with the same machine. Consistency is the key! Having the same calibrated machine with the same radiologist reading the results will ensure peace and comfort I guess. We are waiting for the oncologist to request insurance for those two procedures to be done. So who really knows how long we will be in the desert still. Patience must persist.

Day 182
The day Jackie and I have been waiting for has arrived. Last day of treatment. Jackie brought in doughnuts for all the radiation staff. She had one final bout of treatment and bid farewell. The radiation oncologist is so nice and thoughtful to invite us to ask any questions whenever we feel like. She told us to stop by anytime. It is definitely a happy day. Jackie has such a big smile on her face. No more stupid stickers that she has to hide with turtlenecks. She is free to be Jacqueline. I am extremely grateful to share this moment and celebration. Time to move on!

Day 180-181
One more day left! How exciting? My marriage has been built on this ordeal. Married life for me was making sure my wife was taken care of, making sure she didn’t get neutropenic, that there were no germs on countertops. I took her temperature, watched her go through chemotherapy, and made her lousy tasting soup. That is what has bonded the two of us. I wonder what will be the next adhesive in our lives.
Hodgkin’s lymphoma is forever a part of us. I am not ever going to able to put this in the past. Everyday I will be worried about remission, everyday I will be worried about if Jackie is feeling ok. It is going to linger in me forever. I can already feel its ramifications lately. I am worrying if Jackie and I are going to be able to move out of our current neighborhood because she has her oncologists and history here. I worry that the clean scan she is receiving is “truly” clean. Are all these thoughts normal? Am I being obsessed with Hodgkin’s?
Why do I find myself constantly bringing up reasons to assosciate all things with Hodgkin’s? My wife, the oncologist, the radiation oncologist, staff, and family all have such assurance that this is the end. I hope and try to do the same as well, but always a small seed of doubt inside. I pray that I am absolutely crazy in my thoughts and the majority is correct.

Day 175-179
A quarter shy of 200 days and we can finally see the finish line. One last week of radiation and then what? For the past half year we have revolved our lives around Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Every move we made whether it was to go out for the weekend or plan where we would settle and start a family has been based around Hodgkin’s. We have carried this weight of Hodgkin’s around us it has become ingrained into our thought process. We have rearranged our priorities so that Jackie’s health is numero uno in our family. Now that it is coming to a close how will life persist? Will Jackie and I be able to really put Hodgkin’s behind us? Life has definitely changed. My wife and I have gone through our first disaster together. Our next step is to celebrate life and start a family. How much different will this new life be though? Even the doctor told Jackie that every bump, itch, and mark on her body will heighten her senstivity. I would hate for Jackie to live in fear that Hodgkin’s will return. I can’t even imagine what would happen if it did. I am just trying to embrace the thought of being carefree and disease free.
The worse of it all has definitely subsided. Everyone reacts to cancer treatment differently. I have seen chemo being the worse and I have also seen radiation being bad. I have seen loved ones embrace their family member and offer unfathomable support and also read about couples splitting up over this. I have expected the worse at times and also watch the best. At times I have been extremely stressed and at the verge of losing sanity, but in the end I have stood right next to my wife. God has given me patience and Hodgkin’s has put it to the test.
Jackie’s hair is no longer falling out nor thinning. Her hair is getting thicker and she will plan to grow out her luxurious hair again. She suufers from a slightly irritated throat which hopefully will go away in a week. The future of side effects is yet to come, but at least we see that glorious finish lin.

Day 173-175
Radiation is definitely flying by. 6 more days of radiation and then we are all done. Jackie is so far doing very well, she does get the occasional throat pain and a little skin sensitivity around treatment area. Doctors said there is only a 5-10% chance that this would come back. Those are definitely great odds. We even talked about taking the port out. At first I was not willing to take the port out until everything was definitely in the clear. Jackie on the other hand wants the port gone. It is after all her body and tf respect her strength and endurance throughout this process. If she wants the port out I will be there for her. There is such a rush of celebration and anxiousness. I want to take her out to celebrate. I want to take her away from all this and leave Hodgkin’s behind us. She has fought the battle out. Even her hair is starting to grow back. I no longer wake up and find hair all over the place. Her physical strength is getting better as well. She is starting to hit the gym and doing more and more. I love the way she is and how she can endure through all these trials. For anyone out there who is going through a similar ordeal, there is a way and a light at the end of the tunnel. This is the ultimate marathon with many unpredictable obstacles, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Hang in there and be strong for each other. The end is near and the future is bright!

Day 169-172
Happy one year anniversary Jackie. The first year of marriage is when you are madly in love, honeymoon phase, full of awe for your spouse. You spouse is your life and you don’t want to spend a single minute apart. Going out on lavish vacation to exotic islands, decorating the house together, and maybe even getting a dog. None of that was found in my marriage. Our first year was a trial. It was a test of patience, love, and sanity. Thinking back a year ago it seemed like the perfect scenario. Two newly graduated doctors with full time jobs decide to join paths. Moving in together and saving tons of money to buy a house they can call home. It was great that we had each other 24/7, we enjoyed all the best restaurants and could take mini trips anytime we wanted. In a blink of an eye, the world changed. One small bump on the neck, no insurance, and a series of diagnostic tests which exposes itself as cancer. I still remember that night Jackie told me. We spent an many hours of our fairy tale life trying to help a church member find her lost child. How heroic it seemed, with me totally oblivious to Jackie’s condition. After the child was finally found we drove home. Jackie decided to tell me while driving. I guess she thought I was strong enough to handle the news and I apparently was able to trick myself into thinking the same. However, deep down inside everything collapsed. I was in a wreck the next 2 months. One minute I was completely stressed out thinking I need pyschological help and the other minute I was in denial. Our perfect marriage was totally blown up I thought. Life does show remarkable enlightement. The calmest one was also the victim. She was the one who put a new perspective on me. Life is the present and real. Fairy tales belong in movies.
Six months later, here we are. One year of marriage. We are still madly in love. We are about to conquer this feat of cancer. I have grown in this marriage and self edification ridiculously. I can’t fathom how this experience has changed me. A year of marriage seems like a decade of life lessons. I learned how to be a husband, a caregiver, a friend, a doctor, a coworker, a son, a listener, and most of all a better person.