Day 121-123
Chemo #7 is gone. This infusion flew by. I felt that we went in and took a nap and came right out. I guess we are getting better at it, if there is such a thing. Just one more to go! Two more weeks! Jackie and I had these great tickets to a large tennis tournament this weekend. We were so enthusiastic about going to this even ever since we went last year. I was worried that Jackie would be feeling nauseous or have stomach upsets and wouldn’t be able to make this event. We were going to take it day by day. I woke up this morning and Jackie was wide and awake. She drank and drank many cups of water to flush out the toxins. We ended up going to the event with suite seating. We stayed for five hours before I got tired and wanted to leave. It was such a great day. We had a blast with many memories ti back it up.
Tomorrow is going to be a day of relaxation. It is time to sleep in and enjoy time alone at home. Jackie will be prepping herself for her last cycle of chemo. Maybe it is time for a vacation after all this treatment. We will take this day by day like we have for the past four months. Almost there!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Day 121
Things have been going very smoothly these days. Jackie has chemo #7 coming up the end of this week. She has been gaining her strength each day. Her hair is actually growing to the point where she is needing a haircut. She works 2-3 days a week and has full energy to cook a delicious dinner. Everything is going the way it is planned. Now if all is well, Jackie should be done with chemo in 3 weeks and move on to radiation planning. Radiation can last anywhere from 3-5 weeks. It is a M-F job with the weekend to recuperate. The most stressful time of radiation will be the planning and execution of the process. In today’s modern world the doctor’s can use many different CT and PET scan to determine the size, depth, and shape of the residual mass. The plan of attack is to wipe out any cancer cells left with the minimum amount of long term side effects. But before all this can be done Jackie needs a scan to determine how much the chemo effected the lymphoma. I am counting the days to find out her progress from these last 4 months.
Things have been going very smoothly these days. Jackie has chemo #7 coming up the end of this week. She has been gaining her strength each day. Her hair is actually growing to the point where she is needing a haircut. She works 2-3 days a week and has full energy to cook a delicious dinner. Everything is going the way it is planned. Now if all is well, Jackie should be done with chemo in 3 weeks and move on to radiation planning. Radiation can last anywhere from 3-5 weeks. It is a M-F job with the weekend to recuperate. The most stressful time of radiation will be the planning and execution of the process. In today’s modern world the doctor’s can use many different CT and PET scan to determine the size, depth, and shape of the residual mass. The plan of attack is to wipe out any cancer cells left with the minimum amount of long term side effects. But before all this can be done Jackie needs a scan to determine how much the chemo effected the lymphoma. I am counting the days to find out her progress from these last 4 months.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Day 120
We are definitely holding up very well. Our marriage has never been stronger. We constantly look out for each other as if each step was a decision maker. Jackie takes care of me very well. She loves me and always looks out for my well-being. Yesterday I was accidentally choked on some water and she rushed over to me to make sure I was alright. It is all about the small things in a marriage that add up. A relationship is not about who can out buy the other in gifts. It is about understanding your partner’s needs. I am not sure how to be a husband and definitely not an expert on relationship building. However, I think I would be able to author my marriage as long as I have my wife co-author. Love is no longer about self, but it is selfless.
We are definitely holding up very well. Our marriage has never been stronger. We constantly look out for each other as if each step was a decision maker. Jackie takes care of me very well. She loves me and always looks out for my well-being. Yesterday I was accidentally choked on some water and she rushed over to me to make sure I was alright. It is all about the small things in a marriage that add up. A relationship is not about who can out buy the other in gifts. It is about understanding your partner’s needs. I am not sure how to be a husband and definitely not an expert on relationship building. However, I think I would be able to author my marriage as long as I have my wife co-author. Love is no longer about self, but it is selfless.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Day 117-119
Jackie has been sufferring less bone pain now that she takes a lower dosage of Neupogen. After her 5 consecutive days of shots she still end up going to work. This weekend has also been extremely enjoyable. We were able to enjoy good quality time with each other doing the things we love. We went to a movie, enjoyed food, and hung out with friends. Jackie and I are trying very hard to move along with our lives according to plan with just an extra step due to Hodgkin’s. Our plans include moving out of our current area, finding a new job, and buying a house. The tough part about our plans have to do with our current economical crisis. Jobs are scarce, espescially those that are full time with health benefits. Health benefits are a number one priority now. No benefits equals no moving for us.
For those that read my wife’s side of the story, she has provided a monetary synopsis of all her pre-chemo treatment expenses. Doctors, hospitals, and staff can charge whatever they want for procedures. There are no set rules or caps on procedures listed by the government. One hospital can charge $700 for a CT scan while the hospital on the other side of town can charge $3000. Jackie’s pre-chemo fees were a total of $69,311. The insurance company has a contracted fee with the hospital for procedures. The total amounts after using the contracted fees for procedures were $24,069.
There difference between having insurance and a cash patient is a three times difference. I can bet every other country with universal health care is just mocking our country. How can this great nation allow these types situations happen. I would have declared bankruptcy before Jackie even started chemo if we didn’t have insurance.
Jackie has been sufferring less bone pain now that she takes a lower dosage of Neupogen. After her 5 consecutive days of shots she still end up going to work. This weekend has also been extremely enjoyable. We were able to enjoy good quality time with each other doing the things we love. We went to a movie, enjoyed food, and hung out with friends. Jackie and I are trying very hard to move along with our lives according to plan with just an extra step due to Hodgkin’s. Our plans include moving out of our current area, finding a new job, and buying a house. The tough part about our plans have to do with our current economical crisis. Jobs are scarce, espescially those that are full time with health benefits. Health benefits are a number one priority now. No benefits equals no moving for us.
For those that read my wife’s side of the story, she has provided a monetary synopsis of all her pre-chemo treatment expenses. Doctors, hospitals, and staff can charge whatever they want for procedures. There are no set rules or caps on procedures listed by the government. One hospital can charge $700 for a CT scan while the hospital on the other side of town can charge $3000. Jackie’s pre-chemo fees were a total of $69,311. The insurance company has a contracted fee with the hospital for procedures. The total amounts after using the contracted fees for procedures were $24,069.
There difference between having insurance and a cash patient is a three times difference. I can bet every other country with universal health care is just mocking our country. How can this great nation allow these types situations happen. I would have declared bankruptcy before Jackie even started chemo if we didn’t have insurance.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Day 116
Jackie says I am too much of an idealist. I have been saying a lot without thinking twice that I wish things were different. I wish my job was better, I wish that we were in a different location, and I wish this never happened to Jackie and me. I am always trying to plan when how long it will take until her treatment is complete so we can move on with our lives. I like to make sure the rest of our lives together without Hodgkin’s can pick up from where we began. I just wanted our old lives back, our plans back, and the bright future ahead of us back.
I was definitely hit with a dose of reality that all my thoughts and intentions actually may be some sort of denial. I may not be confronting Hodgkin’s realistically and hoping that this part of our lives will be a lost memory. I guess I am not facing the fact that all this is part of my life. All that we are going through is our marriage story. This is life and it is not perfect. This is our life and new chapters will be introduced whether they are ideal or not.
I really have done all this so unconsciously. The last four months of my life I wish would be erased from my memory until todays ephiphany. I really have a lot of growing up today.
Jackie says I am too much of an idealist. I have been saying a lot without thinking twice that I wish things were different. I wish my job was better, I wish that we were in a different location, and I wish this never happened to Jackie and me. I am always trying to plan when how long it will take until her treatment is complete so we can move on with our lives. I like to make sure the rest of our lives together without Hodgkin’s can pick up from where we began. I just wanted our old lives back, our plans back, and the bright future ahead of us back.
I was definitely hit with a dose of reality that all my thoughts and intentions actually may be some sort of denial. I may not be confronting Hodgkin’s realistically and hoping that this part of our lives will be a lost memory. I guess I am not facing the fact that all this is part of my life. All that we are going through is our marriage story. This is life and it is not perfect. This is our life and new chapters will be introduced whether they are ideal or not.
I really have done all this so unconsciously. The last four months of my life I wish would be erased from my memory until todays ephiphany. I really have a lot of growing up today.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Day 114-115
Today I spent the morning calling City of Hope, Blue Shield, and my HMO group. I found the extension number of the financial advisor at City of Hope and gave her a call. She picked up with a confused voice. I told her that my wife had a diagnosis and was wondering if my insurace would cover services. Before I finished the word services she rudely interrupted saying I have to call new patient services. I apolegitically said I did not know and I guess she felt bad for her rudeness, she decided to transfer me. I jotted down the extension and waited for my transfer to voicemail. “Thank you for callin City of Hope new patient services, we are open 8-5 Monday thru Friday. If you are getting this message we are currently assisting others.” Ten minutes later I called, my repsonse “If you are getting this message we are currently assisting other.” Ten minutes after…they are still goofing around.
I called Blue Shield to ask if I was covered for City of Hope. I think Blue Shielf may have trasferred customer service overseas. I told her I am wondering if I was covered to go to City of Hope. The representative asks me what country is that in. She did tell me that I have to contact my HMO group and if that did not work I can write an appeal that will take at least 30 days to respond.
I was very hesitant to call my HMO group, because I was yelled at a few months ago for asking why my wife was denied to receive care at City of Hope. I called in and a very nice representative picked up. She expalined to me everything about City of Hope not being contracted and I can try an appeal but shes never seen it work. In conclusion, I wasted my whole morning!
To top it off I found out my old HMO group whom I volunteered to change was contracted with City of Hope. We changed to this new group because our current oncologist is in network. I can never beat the system. When I finally relieved myself the stress of finding Jackie proper health insurance after 2 months of insanity, I find myself still under the wrong policy. Jackie says at least we have insurance and doctors who are trained. Luckily, City of Hope isn’t the only cure for cancer.
Today I spent the morning calling City of Hope, Blue Shield, and my HMO group. I found the extension number of the financial advisor at City of Hope and gave her a call. She picked up with a confused voice. I told her that my wife had a diagnosis and was wondering if my insurace would cover services. Before I finished the word services she rudely interrupted saying I have to call new patient services. I apolegitically said I did not know and I guess she felt bad for her rudeness, she decided to transfer me. I jotted down the extension and waited for my transfer to voicemail. “Thank you for callin City of Hope new patient services, we are open 8-5 Monday thru Friday. If you are getting this message we are currently assisting others.” Ten minutes later I called, my repsonse “If you are getting this message we are currently assisting other.” Ten minutes after…they are still goofing around.
I called Blue Shield to ask if I was covered for City of Hope. I think Blue Shielf may have trasferred customer service overseas. I told her I am wondering if I was covered to go to City of Hope. The representative asks me what country is that in. She did tell me that I have to contact my HMO group and if that did not work I can write an appeal that will take at least 30 days to respond.
I was very hesitant to call my HMO group, because I was yelled at a few months ago for asking why my wife was denied to receive care at City of Hope. I called in and a very nice representative picked up. She expalined to me everything about City of Hope not being contracted and I can try an appeal but shes never seen it work. In conclusion, I wasted my whole morning!
To top it off I found out my old HMO group whom I volunteered to change was contracted with City of Hope. We changed to this new group because our current oncologist is in network. I can never beat the system. When I finally relieved myself the stress of finding Jackie proper health insurance after 2 months of insanity, I find myself still under the wrong policy. Jackie says at least we have insurance and doctors who are trained. Luckily, City of Hope isn’t the only cure for cancer.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Day 113
Do you ever wake up and realize everything that had happened was luckily only a dream. I am a pretty light sleeper and usually remember most of my dreams. There were many instances where I would be so sad because someone died, scared because I didn’t want to get hurt, or nervous because I didn’t finish an assignment. I could play each feeling and step I went through frame by frame. However, my scapegoat was that I would always wake up. That was how I felt the first few weeks Jackie was diagnosed. Every morning I would wake up hoping that all that happened was just a bad dream. My mind would trick myself into thinking that this lymphoma was fictional. Then I would roll over in bed and see the scar on my wife and all hope of normality would dissapate.
That only lasted a week or two until I learned to accept what was happening. Now that reality has settle in I still feel like I’m dreaming. Except my dreams this time are opposite. Jackie and I are engulfed in this world of Hodgkin’s and the future is always a arm’s stretch away. We dream of starting a family, having a stable career, settling down, and home ownership are so close we can touch it. Everything seems so realistic and simple, but we have to wait until Jackie has gone into remission. The time passes by slowly as we continue to dream. Hopefully when we wake up, all that will still be there.
Do you ever wake up and realize everything that had happened was luckily only a dream. I am a pretty light sleeper and usually remember most of my dreams. There were many instances where I would be so sad because someone died, scared because I didn’t want to get hurt, or nervous because I didn’t finish an assignment. I could play each feeling and step I went through frame by frame. However, my scapegoat was that I would always wake up. That was how I felt the first few weeks Jackie was diagnosed. Every morning I would wake up hoping that all that happened was just a bad dream. My mind would trick myself into thinking that this lymphoma was fictional. Then I would roll over in bed and see the scar on my wife and all hope of normality would dissapate.
That only lasted a week or two until I learned to accept what was happening. Now that reality has settle in I still feel like I’m dreaming. Except my dreams this time are opposite. Jackie and I are engulfed in this world of Hodgkin’s and the future is always a arm’s stretch away. We dream of starting a family, having a stable career, settling down, and home ownership are so close we can touch it. Everything seems so realistic and simple, but we have to wait until Jackie has gone into remission. The time passes by slowly as we continue to dream. Hopefully when we wake up, all that will still be there.
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