Day 133-134
Why am I not excited about Jackie finishing up chemo? I am just getting more anxious as Friday comes closer and closer. Chemo has been a part of our lives. Every other Friday we grab the blanket at noon time and head off to the oncology office. For the last four months we have been regulars at the office. Jackie has gotten to know the staff very well. The nurses knew exactly how Jackie would try to stay awake for 30 minutes but end up falling asleep for 2 hours. She would wake up drowsy and I would drive her home where we would drink lots of water and watch endless movies. That was life. What happens next?
Jackie had her final appointment with the oncologist. I was hoping he would slowly let go of our hands and guide us slowly into our next transition. We were curious on how soon our next scans would be, if it was possible to skip the radiation due to a recent study, or if we could get a second opinon for radiation at Cedars Sinai. It feels like we are back at day 1. We are lost once again with only faint hints to get us through this ordeal. The oncologist only told us that he will schedule an appointment with the radiation oncologist, where she will order scan and a referral to Cedars Sinai. He said the radiation oncologist will decide how to proceed with treatment and then said he’ll see Jackie in a month.
Jackie has been passed on. He has deferred Jackie’s treatment onto someone else. We are no longer on the same team, but got traded onto another. I’m not sure if this is normal protocol but I do feel betrayed. I am understanding real life more and more. There are no longer parents or teachers to hold your hand, but everything is business. Once one’s responsibility is done then you are passed on. Our team only consists of Jackie and I.