Day 167-168
7 days of radiation have gone by. The 7th day should be one of rest. Jackie seems to be having slight throat issues and fatigue. She doesn’t want to admit it, but I know she is tired. Sometimes I wish she would just let me do things and not be so stubborn about what she is feeling. We having been talking a lot about weddings and prenuptual agreements recently. The subject comes up because this weekend is our first wedding anniversary, and a few of our friends are getting married. In the beginning I was expecting to become the breadwinner, the cook, cleaner, and entertainment. However, now she has become the cook, cleaner, and working a job. There is no fair solution in a marriage. There is no insurance policy when you dive into a relationship. There is only commitment and love. If I knew that Jackie was going to have Hodgkin’s lymphoma six months into our marriage, would I have signed up? Life is unpredicatable and marriage is full of challenges. If I was going to protect myself before even getting married with a prenuptual then I might as well have taken out the portion of my vows in sickness or in health. A prenuptual is just a foothold to a failed marriage.

Day 165-166
Jackie is going through radiation very smoothly so far. We keep reiterating to the oncologist that studies have shown treatment to be between 30Gy to 36Gy. I guess our understanding of radiation is a lot more simplistic than her knowledge. She says that difference between 30 and 36 is basically nothing. She recommends the higher dosage to insure that this disease is zapped once and for all. She says that only minimal damage is to the lungs and most will be to the thyroid. It has been 5 treatments so far and Jackie has not noticed much. She says there is a mild feeling in her throat, but I think I have more of a sore throat than she does at this very moment. She has to wear this two stickers on her chest for the remainder of her treatment so that technicians know the correct way of alignment. Warm weather is definitely setting in fast so we are trying to develop new strategies to conceal the stickers.

Day 162-164
Solidarity is definitely tough. My life is no longer the single bachelor life. Jackie and I spent the weekend apart due to a schedule conflict. She went back home for the weekend and I went to visit my sister and friends. At first I actually had some anxiety because Jackie and I haven’t been apart for a weekend since we got married. For the last few months I felt cancer has stolen part of my marriage. My honeymoon period seemed to only have lasted up to the point when Jackie was diagnosed. We had to skip the greatest part of the beginning stage in marriage due to Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. No longer could we come home and just be “lovey dovey” but we had to be grown up and mature about treatments, bills, and even the future. I was afraid for this weekend that I would not have the feelings of missing Jackie the way I use to. I was afraid that this weekend would be a piece of cake. I was afraid that Jackie and I would be so complacent with being apart that it would become habit forming. When does that honeymoon period end and does it ever come back?
All my worries ended up premature. The weekend was great. We were both able to spend time with family and friends. We ended up talking on the phone and sharing about the our days’ events every night. I actually felt very loved and close to Jackie while she was away. I knew that she was constantly thinking of me and everything she does represented us as a couple. A strong relationship cannot be separated by distance. The distance only made the end of the weekend something to look forward to. We both came home in the afternoon early. It was so great to see my wife and she never looked so beautiful. I hugged and kissed her. We had a great dinner and definitely ready for next week. Next week is our one year anniversary. We made it this far and I can definitely say the honeymoon period is not over. I proved it to myself this weekend!

The first two days of radiation seemed very easy, painless, and fast. Jackie was marked up the first day and then led into her chambers to be radiated. It seems to me that radiation takes very careful planning and patience. It is like an amusement park ride where you wait an hour for in line and then the ride ends in thirty seconds. The radiation procedure is thirty seconds in the front and thirty seconds in the back. The other fifteen minutes were meant for aligning and prepping. So two down and sixteen more to go. Jackie is feeling very restless spending most days at home. She has not worked a full week since November. People usually despise going to work everyday but then we miss what we cannot have. She wants to go back to work. Luckily, Jackie is almost done and she can do everything she wants.

Radiation begins tomorrow promptly after lunch. I have lots of mixed feelings about the whole process. I know that this is going to give a 95% insurance policy for cure. I know that Jackie has only two small areas to radiate. Her doctor and staff is very knowledgeable with the most advaced equipment out there. Jackie is getting a low dose of radiation for a very limited amount of time. I want to believe I am care free, but how is that possible with such an invasive procedure. The radiation oncologist said no breast tissue will be harmed, a slight nicking of lung tissue, and the thyroid will be affected. Scientifically speaking that is a very good prognosis, but as a husband I beg to differ. My wife is only 27 years of age, 1 year into marriage, and has plenty of life to enjoy. Its so sad to think that she may be on thyroid medication later on in the future. I just pray that God watches over the rest of her body. I pray that the radiation be straight and direct and calculations are exact. For the next 3.5 weeks she will be starting her morning in a patient’s gown on top of a huge radioactive machine that will be cold and claustrophobic. She definitely deserves a nice vacation after this. The body is your temple until cancer sets in.

Day 154-156
Fun in the sun. Jackie had two weeks of no therapy, treatment, side effects, etc. Her body is gaining strength and she does not get tired as easily. She has no restrictions to what she eats or drinks. We are able to go anywhere we want without worrying about neutropenia or excessive germ alert. She seems a lot more happier these last two weeks compared to the last two months. Chemotherapy seems to wear down one’s body overtime. It is a endurance test. The first few rounds are a breeze. The event is fresh, your body is strong, and it can fight. The last rounds are when your energy is being sucked out of you. You become lackluster, side effects multiply, and you feel beat. Jackie did four rounds of ABVD but others do anywhere between 4-6 rounds. It is anywhere from half a year to a year of marathon abuse.
This weekend we were either going to san diego to visit family and friends or go enjoy Joshua Tree national park. It feels so good to be able to do anything we want. Anyways, we ended up going to Joshua Tree out in the Mojave desert. Who knew that there would be such a large park in the middle of nowhere. At different points of the park you could see the San Andreas fault line all the way to the Colorados. There were so many different varieties of nature. Every part of the park contained a certain type of plant life. We saw all different plants such as the Joshua Trees, Ocotillo, and the Cholla cactuses. There were different boulder and rock formations shaped like skulls, jumbo rocks, caves, and caverns. It was amazing how clean the air was and how nature designs its own architecture. We took lots of pictures and had plenty of great exercise. At the very end we had a satisfying dinner and a few hours of resting out bodies from a day’s event.

Day 153
I am constantly being misled by forums and testimonies from others. I was taught as someone in the health field to always study evidence based medicine. Studies are only significant when the study is over a long a period of time, a significant amount of subjects, and a control and trial group. With our recent good news about her mass shrinkage and radiation treatment. Jackie’s current treatment is going to be 36Gy (1Gy=100rads) over 18 days totaling 3600 rads. Of course, my personality always tries to find the wrong in every situation. I started reading other peoples' forums saying they had 2100 rads, 2600 rads, and 3000 rads. I started thinking why is Jackie receiving so much radiation and the specialist did not know what she was calculating. I thought my limited knowledge of radiation oncology would triumph her 16 years of experience. The forums consist of an international group of subjects with many different ages and staging of Hodgkin’s disease.
After a whole night of research with Jackie I did stumble on some reliable evidence based medicine studies. The first one came from Germany and stated that patients who had 2000 rads and 3000 rads all had very high prognosis rates. This study made me fall into more of a self validity. Then I found the U.S guidelines for treament of stage 2a Hodgkin’s. I found out that 4 cycles of ABVD and 3000-3600 rads were the best combined modality for treatment. Going to 3600 rads just insured beating this disease.
Reading forums are an addiction. Each posting is subjective, opinionated, and a non professional opinion. Everyone has very informative information that has to be taken with a grain of salt. Nothing beats the opinion of a specialist who has been trained to deal with disease. When in doubt go for a second opinion by another professional.