Day 53
Chemo is definitely unpredictable. Jackie ended up feeling nauseas towards the end of the night. Luckily, we had Zofran. Zofran is fast acting and dissolves quickly underneath your tongue. After that she was fine and fell back asleep. Today she had a busy day and I haven’t heard of any side effects. Her humor and wittiness is still functioning well.
I did notice that the drugs have affected her sense of taste. Listed earlier, she told me there was a metallic and stale taste in her mouth. I noticed she has been eating more sweets recently. Her reason for her new found sweet tooth is to counteract the awful taste in her mouth. After she cooked dinner tonight, I noticed everything was salty. When I confronted her, she said she hadn’t noticed it. I understand now that the extra salt was due to the fact that she needs stronger foods in order to actually taste. It made me think that I either have to start cooking more or make richer foods.
Lately my appetite and mood have been pretty low and bland. I return home and just eat a small plate of food and enter my world of so called relaxation. However, my stomach is never satisfied or yet accepting of dinner. I have been having a tougher time when taking heavy breaths. The doctor had once told me that these can be stress related. Can stress be hidden or maybe even repressed? I don’t feel stressed and certainly don’t notice any signs of stress. I am the last person right now that should be stressed. If anyone should be stressed it should be Jackie or her mom. My thinking and my symptoms don’t seem to correspond. I shall see how this plays out, maybe more exercising will help. Stress is something controllable, isn’t it?

Day 52
Today is Chemo #2. Last night Jackie’s good friends came over to visit. It was great to have them over. They had lots of stories and gossip to catch up on. They also were able to take Jackie to chemo and keep her company. Having them around really brought up her spirits.
From what I heard, therapy went real well today. The Benadryl they mix into the drugs really take a toll on her. She knocked out the whole 2.5 hours white being infused. In a sense that is better than watching the IV drip slowly through your veins. Being in that infusion room can really bring your mood down. You’d be surprised how full that room gets. I can over hear nurses telling patients that they are all done… and we’ll see you tomorrow. Isn’t that horrible? I cannot even imagine having chemotherapy everyday. Having drugs pumped through your being twice a week is harsh enough, imagine daily. I feel that I am very weak at heart compared to all these people. It must take immense strength inside to be able to strive for a betterment of life.
After I came home for work, I found Jackie watching tv on the couch. She later dosed off for another 2 hours. She woke up, ate, showered, and is currently watching a movie. Her only complaint is a metallic taste in her mouth. Plus, she says her hair is falling out a little more than usual. I guess the time has come, I just hope it doesn’t become too overwhelming.

Day 50
Economical recession along with insurance policies makes good health care even tougher to manage. I received a letter from blue shield yesterday talking about how insurance groups have a definite exclusion against duplicate policies. Luckily, we had this entire insurance dilemma sorted out before this time. I feel like I have to be so aggressive in order to make sure my wife can get proper coverage.
Jackie’s life is constantly about lab work and blood tests. Today she went to get more blood drawn. Tomorrow is doctor consultation then chemo. The doctor wants to put her on oral prednisone due to the rashes she had developed from the first therapy. Steroids are so touch on the body. First it makes her immune system weaker, then it makes you gain, and then u can develop secondary complications. Both of us don’t want her to embark down this path. We are trying an herbal remedy which her family friend has tried during his chemo regimen. Jackie takes so many pills a day. We have all the bottles lined up on our countertop. Most of these are for prophylactic treatment. Chemo 2 is still experimental to see how your body responses. I hope her blood cells do not drop like previous. She will continue to be strong and tough. As long as she is smiling then I know she is fighting on.

Day 47-49
Christmas came right on time this year. Jackie had gone through three days of Neupogen shots. She noticed strange growing pains from her knees up to her chest. She described the effects as early arthritis. Luckily it did not debilitate her too much. On Friday morning she went to get a full CBC to check her blood panels. The lab was ordered urgently. Before noon time, the nurses called telling her that her white blood cells shot clear into the normal levels.
I could sense the relief and celebration in her voice even before the call ended. My heart and mind dropped its burden and my face lit up in excitement. Christmas was going to be a celebration after all. The celebration began that very afternoon. We drove over to her mom’s house where we had dinner with family and relatives. It was so fun to see everyone laughing compared to a few days ago. She played piano for us and caught up with everyone. We also went down to San Diego to visit friends and have more food. It is true that food brings people closer together. It is also true that people bring more food together.
This coming week is going to be great; at least my fingers are crossed. Her two best friends are coming and I know that is nothing but uplifting. Due to her drastic improvement, chemo#2 is set for Tuesday. That is certainly wonderful to hear. Let’s get this party started. I’m still praying that there will be minimal side effects.

Day 46
Neupogen is a white blood cell stimulating hormone. It is basically adrenaline for your bone marrow to stimulate white blood cells. We have been even more careful with Jackie now. Sanitizing, Washing, and cleaning everything in sight. We take her temperature every few hours. A fever is basically your body’s way to tell you that there is an infection. 100.5 is the magic number. When you have a neutropenic fever, you don’t mess around with chances. There no cold bath, Nyquil, or home remedies. You rush straight to the ER for IV antibiotics. Jackie is doing well, her temps have been 97.4.
Today she had a chest x-ray to rule out any bleomycin lung toxicity. These drugs really take a toll on the healthiest of all individuals. Sometimes I’m amazed at how much your body can heal. If Jackie already has low blood counts what happens to the 50 year old lady who already has a weak immune system.
Jackie gets calls and word of encouragement everyday from friends and family. There are people who always want to come over and visit. It’s such a warm feeling to be loved. It is always tougher to tell them that Jackie cannot have visitors or reject them because they have a cough. Most of them understand, but sometimes I end up being the bad guy. I know Jackie trusts me to make the best decision I can for her. If she can have visitors, I would definitely want more and more. Friends and family lift spirits and probably your immune system as well.

Day 44-45
Just when you think things are finally leveled out; Jackie’s insurance is paying well, we started chemo, and her response so far has been impressive. Life always finds a way to kick you back in the butt. Chemo #2 has been cancelled. Her white blood cells this week are too low for treatment. Last week they were perfectly fine. The doctor said this was very abnormal because usually the week after chemo is when blood cells drop and then they replenish the following week. Now she has to take these shots called Neupogen, which stimulate your bone marrow to produce cells. The problem with Neupogen is that the side effects are bone and musculoskeletal pain. It is similar to a growing paint as a child. I did not think that someone as healthy as Jackie will have this problem so early on. She was so disappointed at this news.
Its interesting how disappointed and anger are connected. Sometimes you are so disappointed you become pissed off. That’s how Jackie and I feel today. I know there is nothing we can do but be careful with germs. Its just so messed up how life kicks your butt and then while you down buries you in dirt. It isn’t going to be too merry of a Christmas this year.

Day 41-43
As Christmas roles around the corner and the New Year creeping up, I think about how much has happened this year. Up until two months ago, I thought I had the perfect life. I had already labeled my year as the most memorable. I just graduated from school, started a new job, was getting married, about to buy a house, and take a romantic trip to Asia at the end of the year. This year will still be the most memorable year, but with a whole new twist. This is how life works, unpredictable and convoluted. Hold on to all that you can and be grateful for the present.
I have been looking forward to weekends lately. During these two days of rest I finally can spend alone time with my wife. I love just waking up watching a movie and enjoying a nice dinner together. I also love taking her out to her favorite story, Target, and roaming around each aisle. I know she can memorize the layout of the whole store, but she still travels down each section slowly like a child in a candy shop. It’s all about a smile. Whether it is a smile from a compliment, a smile from a present, or just a smile from a witty comment; each smile is filled with warmth.
Jackie had work this Saturday. I figure she is stuck at home throughout the whole week; it is a good to keep her mind active and make her feel productive. I just let her work as much as she thinks she can.
This coming week is filled with more doctors’ appointments. Monday, she is meeting with her general surgeon to make sure her port is not causing problems. Then it is off for more blood work to make sure her levels are still high. Tuesday she is meeting with the oncologist for a follow-up. Wednesday will be her second chemo treatment. I really hope she responds just as well to this one as her prior. She has not lost any hair yet. I hope it stays like this but according to doctors and nurses, hair starts falling around 21 days. Lets just hope it doesn’t cause too much devastation.