Day 106
When does having cancer automatically enroll you into being the recipient of the “pity” card? As a caregiver I do not want others to feel sorry for me or give charity to me. I especially don’t like when people say Jackie is restricted from certain activities because she is sick. My wife is perfectly fine. She runs an hour a day, works, cooks, and reads just like everyone else. In fact, she is telling me that her exercising is getting longer and longer as days pass. To me she does not seem sick and I am sure she won’t be getting her handicap parking pass any time. I know there are others who live off sympathy. Some hope to get a free meal by having others feel sorry for them. I know for sure that is not what we need.
Instead of pity what we really need is care. So many people have shown us love through physical, emotional, and spiritual levels. I feel so blessed having so many people always praying for us. We’re so blessed to have others that will share a phone call with us. I love the fact that this event has brought friends and family closer with each other. It has brought my relationship with my wife to another level. It has shown me new goals that I would like to achieve in my life. Hodgkin’s Lymphoma has brought out a new me, one that is more mature and compassionate for life. So don’t be sad that I am facing these hardships or Jackie is going through her 5th infusion treatment. Learn from this experience to better enrich yourselves and others who may be in similar scenarios such as my wife and I.

Day 103-105
Jackie and I find that Hodgkin’s has not affected our lives at all. She went to work this Saturday and we spent the next day shopping and eating. It is definitely lots of fun to have this time together with my wife. Our life has not been changed much. There are definitely no limits to what my wife can do. However there are two scars on her body that may be around to constantly remind us of her experience. We call these lymphoma scars. She has a scar on her neck from the lymph node biopsy and then one on her chest from her port placement. These scars will gradually fade more and more over time. In no way do they make my wife less beautiful. These scars remind me constantly how precious she is to me and how much I want to care for her more each day. I remember when she first had the scars how scared she was of them leaving large marks. I would kiss her scars as if I had some way of miraculously healing them. In the end though, these scars whether faded or not, make my wife who she is. I have heard from lymphoma patients that these scars are a bond between each other. I hope that others who are undergoing similar situations can find hope and strength through how brave Jackie is and well she handles everything.

Day 102
One more day until the weekend! I can’t wait to sleep in, watch tv, and relax. I can’t wait to spend a whole day with Jackie. No more waking up early and just sitting at home the whole day. We’re going to have fun, enjoy yummy food, and live life. Jackie does have to work one day, but I think I can handle a day of solitude also.
Jackie has one more day of Neupogen. She had blood drawn today as well. She spent the day making cookies and trying new recipes. I am getting the better end of her treatment. I go to work in a great mood. I come home to have lunch prepared for me. My lunch was prepared and tasted very professional. I come home from my day of work to a smiling face. I relax for a few hours while we joke around and then I have dinner made for me. I also have fresh cookies and cheesecake made every so often as well. How lucky can one man get!

Day 101
Today was definitely a tiring day. It was long workday that lasted nonstop for eight hours. At the end of the day I just wanted to go home, get into some sweats, lie down, and relax this headache away. Jackie has a busier day. She woke up earlier than me, drove out to get gas, drove an hour to get to work, did 8 hours of work, and then drove back home. After she drove home she went to the doctors for her Neupogen shot. She later made dinner, because my headache was too much for me to handle. After dinner she helped me clean up and did laundry. Who is this girl? She definitely has some sort of superhuman strength. She later tells me that her stomach feels awkward from chemo side effects and she has been receiving bone pain. I don’t understand how she has so much energy and strength to get through an entire day of activity. I am doing half the work she does throughout the day and I am truly tired out. If she was 100% she would definitely be a gold medalist while I would be hardly qualifying for the race. Her plan tomorrow was to work out a lot. I can’t even work out a little!

Day 100
We have reached triple digit days now since Hodgkin’s has entered our lives. Yesterday that doctor mentioned a different growth factor called Neulasta. Neulasta has a much longer half life than Neupogen. That means that there will be only a shot after chemo instead of five consecutive days. Unfortunately, Neulasta costs more than 10x what Neupogen is. If only there was some way to have my wife stay away from extra needles. The problem we ran into was the insurance company wouldn’t pay for the Neulasta, so she is stuck getting five shots. I am not one to cringe or close my eyes when blood is drawn or getting stuck with a needle. I could probably give myself a shot if needed. Watching Jackie get a shot always makes me turn my head slightly. However, as a learned from my previous experience and government, I am going to call and insist on having Neulasta. I don’t know how much it will help, but it won’t hurt to put up a fight.
Jackie is going to work tomorrow and then rushing home to get Neupogen. I’m praying that there is no bone pain from the shots. I’m praying that she will have a easy day and a safe drive to work. Part of me wants her to work and the other wants to keep her safely at home. It is tough being a caregiver and a husband. I don’t want to sound like her parent. I don’t want to constantly remind her to put on a jacket or eat more. I want to be a partner and not a supervisor. I know I don’t know everything but sometimes I surely act that way towards her. Her answer to my overwhelming protection is always a smile and reminding me that I do this because I love her. How ironic.

Day 99
It was a busy day for a holiday. We started bright and early and 8am. The first event of the day was to go to the doctor’s office for Neupogen shots. Even with fairly decent blood counts, the doctor feels that Neupogen is needed to keep counts high. The shots have varied from excruciating bone pain to hardly any pain at all. Afterwards, we drove 1.5 hours to Los Angeles to meet with her mother. When we got there we ate a quick lunch and went to run errands such as getting groceries. By the time we got back it was time to head of to Cedars Sinai for our second opinion. The drive took about an hour before we arrived and we waited another hour to be seen. The doctor was very well educated and provided very confident information for all of us. He reassured us that our current plan was a good course to take. He also assured us that it was alright to discontinue Bleomycin from our chemo regimen. He also mentioned that Neupogen was a good idea to continue due to the fact that Hodgkin’s is so curable and we wouldn’t want Jackie to suffer from any type of secondary infection due to low immunity. Jackie later in turn asked him how one gets Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Of course there is no definite answer, but he actually theorized that Hodgkin’s seem to be found in higher economic classes, in higher educated people, and people who were extremely clean when growing up. He mentioned that our bodies own immune system fends off many organisms, when one is too sheltered from bacteria our bodies are not able to learn how to fight off organisms. Of course, these are all theories and will take much studying before being proven, nevertheless it was very interesting. After that we drove an hour back to her mother’s house and had dinner, then another 1.5 hours back home.
All in on, this trip was so worth it. Even though our oncologist is very competent, the human mind always favors reassurance. We were all extremely pleased to hear that Jackie was getting all the correct care. To ease the mind of worries will definitely keep her body focused on fighting the cancerous cells.

Day 96-98
We finished chemo#5 already! It is so hard to be a husband watching your wife with a large IV coming out of her. The whole infusion takes around 2.5 hours. She first has her port flushed with heparin to prevent any clots, and then she starts her meds. The Benadryl hits her hard and fast. Within 10 minutes she tells me that her eyes feel heavy and she is going to close her eyes. She usually falls asleep for two hours and feels groggy for the rest of the day. The nurse says she is very lucky to sleep through the boring two hours. Benadryl sometimes causes an opposite effect on others according to nurses. They told us some patients become some hyper and fidgety that they continue to pace around the office for two hours. Imagine that! This weekend was very quiet. There were lots of movies, Olympics, eating, and sleeping. This Valentine’s Day was a little quieter. We will be having a dinner and just staying at home. It is definitely hard to tell how she feels the weekend after chemo. Sometimes she wants to do it all, other times she just wants to lie down. Her stomach occasionally upsets her and other times she gets slight nausea. In conclusion I will be by her side caring for her.